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My Cock... He ees Comeen for the Weemen

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dudley_do_ride
3/9/13, 6:23pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #1
Posted: 3/9/13, 6:23pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #1
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Location: hain't Pochipsie son

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You men had better go eenside. I am comeen for ze weemen. And I am packeen heavee.


dudley_do_ride
3/9/13, 6:28pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #2
Posted: 3/9/13, 6:28pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #2
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(strum strummie strum strummie strum strum strum strummie strum strum strum strummie strum strum)

He'll be... comeen'... up ze... mountahns...
He'll be... comeen'... down ze... mountahns...
He'll be... driveen'... all hees... loveen...
He'll be... meelkeen'... all hees... loveen...

Who'll be ze ferst to seize his guhun...
Who'll be ze last to see ze guhun.
Who'll be ze ferst to test hees guhun...
Who'll be ze last to see ze guhun.
Who'll be ze ferst to seize his guhun...
Who'll be ze last to see ze guhun.

And when appeased weel be hees obsession...
And when complete weel be hees domeenation.
There ees no way out for you wooman
Resistance ees futile my woooman
The moment of truth comes
The moment of truth comes

heh heh everay gerl ees so glad to hear "My Cock Rahds a Horse" from that spayshal somewhahn.


dudley_do_ride
3/9/13, 7:25pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #3
Posted: 3/9/13, 7:25pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #3
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What wooman can stand when I appearreth?
I raise my rod and the waters part.
I lift my monolith to the sky and they evolve.
What can you place in my path to stop me?
And why would you?
My desire makes the Nile flow
It makes the crops fertile
I am Anubis when I take you in the ass
I am Ra when I move over you showering you
with my golden kisses.
Avert your eyes, mortal shelings
Lest you are blinded by my radiance.
Do not dare return my stare
If you want to retain your soul.
Give me all that you owe me.
The fruit of your loins.
Your fountains, your fires.
For I am an irresistible force
that will move through your fields like a firestorm
devouring all that it meets


dudley_do_ride
3/10/13, 1:45pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #4
Posted: 3/10/13, 1:45pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #4
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Good... good... you have lain prostrate before the Great Hub on which the universe balances...
You were wise to do so...
You may now take rest and make yourselves pretty for the next Ordeal...
Bother me not, however, with supplications...
My power is great and I know where it is needed...
Turn your thoughts instead to self betterment...
For the Monolith is a ruthless master who cuts as well as mends.

If ye sing praises make sure they are in tune.
I recommend an electronic meter for accuracy.
But perhaps is better to stay so quiet.
For silence suits Him well...

Make your skin tan and smooth...
For He gets irritated with a drab, bumpy surface...
Remove your forests and replace with fields...
For He is Civilization and not barbarism.

Confess all to Him and ye shall be scourged clean.
Annointed with the Holy Sperm...
But hide secrets from Him...
Gossip behind His back...
And ye shall be smote... again and again... with his gaping tip.

Be careful you are balancing on the edge of destruction
For you are a most wicked and fickle generation
Slow to worship, quick to stray...
I may yet have to release my Great Flood upon you all.



Amanda_Fucking_Palmer
3/10/13, 3:58pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #5
Posted: 3/10/13, 3:58pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #5
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AHHHHH ... yes praise the Cook! A figure both welcoming and handled literary who when either male or female can please us with warm sweetness or cooled iced savor. HAIL the Cook, who in darkness of dawn endeavors to find just that perfect thing to whet our appetites; that crispness, that push of puffed pastry, that bright pungent scent, that color to make us salivate. Ah god, if only the Cook could cast the pleasures of coupling then our experiences sexual might in some measure last as long as that tiny taste of paradise served on a platter.

HAIL the COOK!

dudley_do_ride
3/10/13, 5:17pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #6
Posted: 3/10/13, 5:17pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #6
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Heed not the wailing and gnashing of teeth from the lost... The path to glory is through the Cock not the belly. We can only hope she awakes from her nightmare soon enough to see the Force of the Age plowing His way through the clenched thighes of the worthy.

Feel the mighty swish my sperm make with their tails! These can jump dams without wimpy salmon stairs. And they have mouths to suck you with, teeth to nibble you with. Just one can slap you silly with a whiplike flagellum.

Space missions must include His field in their calculations or risk diving with a solar flare into the sun. Prophets must consult Him as their oracle. Kings ask for His alliance. Philosophers reckon with Him like the Greeks did the Pharos in their age.

If you can stand the force of His spout wihout going insane from pleasure, you may know the rare gift of His offspring... A gift that keeps on giving... For the apple does not fall very far away from the tree...

Go! Prepare! Listen to the wise and make all roads straight for Him!


Alberich
3/10/13, 7:56pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #7
Posted: 3/10/13, 7:56pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #7
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Here comes Cock au Vin - a teaser for all those empty bellies - the saviour of all the hungry souls.
Cock au Vin - the champion in red wine - who also comes great in pinot blanc - and who can even handle the 50 shades of grey wine. Don't hail the cook - a praise on the cock.
Cocks of all the wine, unite !

dudley_do_ride
3/10/13, 9:28pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #8
Posted: 3/10/13, 9:28pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #8
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Policeman: Break it up! Break it up! He's back from HIs mission! You pseudogourmets go find some other venue to sell your wares! You guzzlers of French sparrows on sauced platters go find some real food!

Seaman: FWEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOH!!!! Let loose the barrage!!!

( The seashore batteries let go with a thundrous roar 118 volleys )

(hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm ha hmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmm hmmmm)

Crowd: He's victorious. Look how many kills painted on His side!!

(Military band begins)

Holodna hmoora mountiesky...
Eemruchnoh v'doosheh
Kak mohg znat ya shtoh tee oomriosh?

Do svidonia, byehreg mountiesky
Kak nam troodnag pridstahvit shtoh eto nyeh sohn.
mountiesky, dom mountiesky,
Do svidonia mountiesky.

Ay. Avepakhod, avepakhod, nass val nahmarskaya zhdyot nyehdazh dyotsyah.
Nass zah vootmarskaya dah, ee preeboy!

Salute otsam ee nashem dedum
Zahvietum eekh fsigdah vierney.
Tepierre nichtoh, nee astanoivit,
Pabiedney shark, mountieskyhunting straney.

Tiy pliyvee, pliyvee bestrashna,
Gordest say viernykh marieye.
Hottieniefuskneh nadezhdah sgoostk vierif sekh luydeye.

Woman's day, Woman's day,
Rahpar tu ium miy nashe pabiediy.
Woman's day, Woman's day, Novie meeir fahli numnashy dehidiy.

And what an awe inspiring sight. Back in port. Safely in silo. Cheering crowds. Confetti. Champagne.

Know that virtue always triumphs. And the Monolith watches over all....



Amanda_Fucking_Palmer
3/11/13, 5:19pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #9
Posted: 3/11/13, 5:19pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #9
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Policeman: Break it up! Break it up! He's back from HIs mission! You pseudogourmets go find some other venue to sell your wares! You guzzlers of French sparrows on sauced platters go find some real food!

Seaman: FWEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOH!!!! Let loose the barrage!!!

( The seashore batteries let go with a thundrous roar 118 volleys )

(hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm ha hmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmm hmmmm)

Crowd: He's victorious. Look how many kills painted on His side!!

(Military band begins)

Holodna hmoora mountiesky...
Eemruchnoh v'doosheh
Kak mohg znat ya shtoh tee oomriosh?

Do svidonia, byehreg mountiesky
Kak nam troodnag pridstahvit shtoh eto nyeh sohn.
mountiesky, dom mountiesky,
Do svidonia mountiesky.

Ay. Avepakhod, avepakhod, nass val nahmarskaya zhdyot nyehdazh dyotsyah.
Nass zah vootmarskaya dah, ee preeboy!

Salute otsam ee nashem dedum
Zahvietum eekh fsigdah vierney.
Tepierre nichtoh, nee astanoivit,
Pabiedney shark, mountieskyhunting straney.

Tiy pliyvee, pliyvee bestrashna,
Gordest say viernykh marieye.
Hottieniefuskneh nadezhdah sgoostk vierif sekh luydeye.

Woman's day, Woman's day,
Rahpar tu ium miy nashe pabiediy.
Woman's day, Woman's day, Novie meeir fahli numnashy dehidiy.

And what an awe inspiring sight. Back in port. Safely in silo. Cheering crowds. Confetti. Champagne.

Know that virtue always triumphs. And the Monolith watches over all....





oh mah gawwwdddd ... this was so foking good it deserved a repeat!!!!! BAHAHAHAHA "You guzzlers of French sparrows on sauced platters ..."

Naughty Amira
3/11/13, 8:02pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #10
Posted: 3/11/13, 8:02pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #10
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Naughty Amira
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dudley_do_ride
3/12/13, 2:35am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #11
Posted: 3/12/13, 2:35am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #11
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Was the girl who dropped line in the ocean going for a bite in a fertile upwelling...

It went swimmingly until Something ancient, primeval, rose from the deepest cavern in a gush and took all... rod, bait, and half the shore...

All they found were her panties on a telephone pole 5 miles away...


Naughty Amira
3/12/13, 3:06am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #12
Posted: 3/12/13, 3:06am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #12
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Naughty Amira
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What do u mean dear?u were talking about cock


Was the girl who dropped line in the ocean going for a bite in a fertile upwelling...

It went swimmingly until Something ancient, primeval, rose from the deepest cavern in a gush and took all... rod, bait, and half the shore...

All they found were her panties on a telephone pole 5 miles away...






dudley_do_ride
3/12/13, 3:14am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #13
Posted: 3/12/13, 3:14am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #13
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What do u mean dear?u were talking about cock


lol sorry hon. Is my sense of humor. Meant to be way way way way over the top flirting to the point of devouring and beyond. The machoamp turned way past 11, and shrieking feedback into the overcharged night air.

Heh heh hope you enjoy the silly thread and have a great week.





Naughty Amira
3/12/13, 4:41am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #14
Posted: 3/12/13, 4:41am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #14
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Naughty Amira
PERFORMER
I do!!! otherwise i wasnt writin in here


lol sorry hon. Is my sense of humor. Meant to be way way way way over the top flirting to the point of devouring and beyond. The machoamp turned way past 11, and shrieking feedback into the overcharged night air.

Heh heh hope you enjoy the silly thread and have a great week.









Wardrobe_Lesbian
3/12/13, 8:33pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #15
Posted: 3/12/13, 8:33pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #15
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Oooo blaaaa diii , oooo blaaaa daaa
Liiifeee goooeeessss oooonnnnn, bbbrrraaaahhhh...
Laaaa laaaa hooowww ttthhhheee liiifffeee gooooeeeessss oooonnnn.




:hitit

Naughty Amira
3/12/13, 9:01pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #16
Posted: 3/12/13, 9:01pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #16
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Naughty Amira
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good song :D....;)


dudley_do_ride
3/13/13, 10:44am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #17
Posted: 3/13/13, 10:44am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #17
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And so it came to pass, that whilst Ride was traveling through that region, he came upon the Lady of the Lake. Who didst rise from her soggy bed and didst dub Him "Highcaliber"... (ooooo aahhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh)

"Ride", said the watery tart, "Because you have tamed Highcaliber, and made Him work for Good, I vest in you supreme executive authority."

"And do I have to answer to any other governmental authority?" asked he

"No" said the soaking sheila "You are now King of the Mounties and are unconstrained by any creature's rules of engagement"

"What of those who call this some kind of farcial aquatic ceremony? Who claim to be ruled by some kind of vaguely spelt out collective?" he asked the dripping damsel...

"That is what Highcaliber is for. You smite them mightily with Him until they call you King." , returned the wet wench, who was one of the first advocates of Realpoltics...

dudley_do_ride
3/14/13, 1:17am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #18
Posted: 3/14/13, 1:17am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #18
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Trudy had become separated from the rest of the group...

Her scared eyes darted this way and that trying to make sense out of the fuzzy shapes in the darkness of the old, dusty mansion.

Suddenly she heard: * fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap *

She screamed, and backed away from the sound. Her hands fumbled upon a nearly used up lighter she kept for her cigarettes. She whipped it out, catching a finger that bled as her trembling fingers flicked and flicked at the lighter : * flick....... flick........ flick...... *

She got it going. Shaking all the while. And a painting became visible. A portrait. A portrait of a mountie with flashing green eyes. She was very near to it. She latched onto it. It was something sensible, something real in this hell. It calmed her to study it. But there was something strange about it. Unlike everything else it had no cobwebs. It appeared to be freshly painted.

There was a candle near it. So she lit the candle. She stared and stared. It was just the head and shoulders of the man. A man in the prime of life. It was done in heavy oils but it was full of light. But not from some external light source. The artist had made the light come somehow from within the figure.

She now noticed something else. For some strange reason she was becoming a little aroused. It was strange. The temperature in the room just seemed so comfortable. Her nipples under her tight blouse were becoming so hard. She felt some wetness down below and some flush in her cheeks.

She suddenly whacked her hand down over her crotch. It was strange but she thought she felt some presence undoing the fly of her jeans. Her protective instinct was rapid and involuntary.

She backed away from the painting now, looking a little side to side. And then it happened...

With a laugh the painting came briefly to life... The mountie stared straight at her, fixed her with his piercing eyes, and then snapped his fingers. A puff of smoke briefly obscured the painting. She stared with fascinated, horrified eyes, waiting tens of seconds for the smoke to clear... to clear ...

* throb throb..... throb throb ... *

Omg what is that sound?

The smoke cleared to reveal an enormous, disembodied cock that throbbed and throbbed. It was too big to be true. It was alive... It ... was.... hungry....

* throb throb....... throb throb........ *

She stood frozen in place as the thing worked some kind of voodoo on her. Its single "eye" bent towards her and mesmerized her. It started to do a kind of dance, spiralling in towards her... Nearer.... Nearer..... Hungrier.... Hungrier .......

* throb throb....... throb throb........ *

It .... was.... wearing...............bling!!!

Aigiigighaskdhaskdfsalliigiiiiiggh!!!!!!!!!!!


Amanda_Fucking_Palmer
3/14/13, 2:41pm (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #19
Posted: 3/14/13, 2:41pm (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #19
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*examines the 17 in my left hand*

*With my right hand holding the slide a quarter inch back, I use my left hand to pull down the slide release lock on both sides. The slide is unlocked. Slowly and gently I release the slide with my right hand and remove the slide from the receiver. I depress the recoil spring and remove it from the barrel. I remove the barrel.*

Huh? What? COCK? Oh for fuck's sake ... I misunderstood.

dudley_do_ride
3/15/13, 11:10am (EDT)
UTC -4:00  |  Post #20
Posted: 3/15/13, 11:10am (EDT) UTC -4:00  |  Post #20
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*examines the 17 in my left hand*

*With my right hand holding the slide a quarter inch back, I use my left hand to pull down the slide release lock on both sides. The slide is unlocked. Slowly and gently I release the slide with my right hand and remove the slide from the receiver. I depress the recoil spring and remove it from the barrel. I remove the barrel.*

Huh? What? COCK? Oh for fuck's sake ... I misunderstood.



Ambush! The cock wheeled around, but too late. Palmer already had her gun out, and was casually fiddling with it, confident of her ability to fill Him with lead before He could get anywhere near her.

"Let me have a drink" He said to her, using some kind of telepathy. Palmer fought off His hypn0tic mind fuck. And answered tersely:

"Make it quick. I have people to do and things to see."

The gigantic cock, slowly and deliberately, lifted a shot glass that He wore around His neck, tipped some white liquid into it, and started to raise it to His orifice.

But suddenly, midway through this motion. He flung the liquid in the shot glass at Palmer. The burning fluid caught her full in the eyes. She screamed! She fired her gun blindly!

(BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAMMMIE BLAMMIE BLAMMIE BLAM BLAM BLAM)

She missed....

She is... no more....

Amanda Fucking Palmer... March 15 2013....

Done in by a fake cum shot.
(apparently they are continually resurfacing :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh )

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