health problems
I will be off a few days do to some health problems I have now, but will be back soon. have fun and be wise:
Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy.
An insight into My life
The beginnings
A (innocent) smirk appears on My face the moment I start to remember the days of My youth in which I was so innocent and ignorant to everything I now know, I was still the same person as I am today, but with less information. Still sexual, still sensual, still demanding and still with a thirst for knowledge.
I often wondered if what I felt and did was normal, seeing that My partners were almost always surprised by My actions in our sex life... because that is how it started. I loved teasing for long time...and especially combined with denial, the fact that I had the full and complete power to decide when and if he was going to cum... to hear him promise Me things just to let him have those few seconds of pleasure...has he been good enough??? Should I teach him a lesson??? Or maybe just show him who is the boss and who deserves to have all the pleasure???
I discovered about Myself that I love to have power over men and women at the same time... to have them do what I want, to have them do everything they can to see Me happy. And to My surprise it was not hard... not hard at all... what a man won\'t do when a woman like Me has him by the balls.
And so My life took it\'s normal course... Me discovering new things all the time about Myself and men.
The idea of BDSM was still very unclear and far away from My sight...and step by step life took Me to the moment that would open My eyes to this lifestyle...
The moment it clicked
For almost a year I was what you would call a manager at a webcaming studio. I was in charge of the photo shoots, the editing, the training, the girls... as i said a manager. Everything was fine and dandy until one day a model came to Me asking for help with a guy that was into BDSM and was a submissive...I was a bit concerned because I had never come across someone asking for that before but...hey...I was the trainer...so I went to see what it was that was scaring the model so much she needed help. I discovered that everything went very well, almost naturally for me, and I was actually very aroused by all that was happening and the fact that the power I could have over men was much more then I knew....
My new lifestyle as a Mistress
And everything changed...My mind was aroused by all the books, articles, blogs I was reading to expand My knowledge in this lifestyle. I am a perfectionist and I like things well done. I like to know what I am talking about and what it is that I am doing. Maybe most of you are surprised by the fact that I want to know more about you (call it a pre session) before the actual session this is so I am sure that we will both have a wonderful time.
During this time I have discovered Myself in so many new ways, things I did not know I liked, sides of My personality I did not know were actually there, just waiting to be discovered.
Meanwhile, in My readings I have discovered this wonderful paragraph that I truly support, appreciate and follow:
\"It is important to remember, that just because they are the slave and we are always right, that does not mean to say their feelings are not important. A happy slave makes a good slave and one that will be loyal for eternity
Power doesn\'t come from \"showing off\", it is seated deep within yourself. Nobody can take that away from you. A submissive male has deep and strong inner core as well. It takes true courage to submit honestly and without pretenses to the one person he adores.\"
This gives you an insight into who I am... and your Goddess is a complete person, Mistress and Woman combined.
For the newbies, the undecided and the curious
I can be soft and gentle while I take you through this magnificent lifestyle, both a general education and more in depth around your fetish as well. Be sure you really want to learn about this and not waste My time. I will educate you with different assignments, and to make sure you pay attention, at the end you will be tested.
The ones that really truly deserve it will be mentored by Me into the protocol of the lifestyle, making it much more easy for them to find a Mistress in real life!!!
For the experienced ones
Make sure you know what you want. I am not a mind reader and I cannot guess what it is you wish to experiment in a session with Me. Be honest with yourself first and with Me, so I can make the time spent together pleasurable be it only for a short while, or a much longer relationship.
The Perfect One
I am not a cruel or sadistic Mistress, actually, I think you would be surprised that I can be rather kind and nice whilst I drain your thoughts and put My own in there, and drain your bank account into Mine
I do not need to use whips and chains to submit you...playing and molding your mind will take you where I want
My fetishes
NOTE ABOUT MY LIMITS
Absolutely nothing about pedoph***lia, extreme play of any kind, scat, inc**est or animals. I am not into blood or medical play, or any type of play that includes extreme pain.
There will be no nudity involved whatsoever so don\'t bother asking. I am a Mistress, so don\'t call me BB, Baby, Sweetie, Honey, Luv, or any other terms of endearment, I am Mistress, or Miss Cami to you.
Worship
Body worship - facesitting/quenning/ass worship
Feet/boots/heels worship -hosiery/stocking/socks/pantyhose worship
Financial slavery - money pigs/human atm/pay piggies
Fetishes
Corsets/high heels/hosiery/leather/pvc/vintage & burlesque clothing
Femme transformation
Cross dressing/feminization/sissyfication
Power exchange/female supremacy
Bonadge/chastity/key holder/humiliation/human furniture/mummification/objectification/ sensory play/strap on play/ SPH/CEI/humiliation/cuckolding/anal play
Light S&M
Breath play/corporal punishment/cock &ball torture (cbt)/ face slapping/wax play/canning/whipping/paddling
Nipple Play
Nipple play or nipple torture as it is also called, with the acronym, NT, or even, Tit Torture, is intriguing and exciting for just about anyone, in one form or another! Many women and men alike, enjoy the stimulation of their breast area during sexual contact or during BDSM play activities. Each person prefers different types of stimulation of their nipples/breast area, obviously. Some like pain, others like gentle licking and others like non-painful, varying pressure. Some like only the nipple being worked on, others like the entire area around the nipple being played with, and others like manipulation of the entire chest or breasts being cupped and fondled. There are some who like to be licked, bitten, chewed, sucked, nursed (a combination of extended sucking and chewing), massaged, pulled, twisted, clamped, slapped, whipped, poked, punched, pierced or, of course, any combination of these done within an infinite variety of intensities. The best approach is trying out various techniques, toys and sensations and go from there... Always start out with a warm-up period, first. Start lightly, then gradually, with fingers, tongue, and teeth. Then add more intensity with clamps or suction or wax. nnNipple ClampsnQuite simply, nipple clamps are items that pinch the nipples. Some have adjustable settings so the pressure can be customized or varied. Others work only by a single spring mechanism and do not allow for pressure adjustment. Nipple clamps can also be used on other areas of the body, such as the labia lips, ball sack, ear lobes... well you get the idea... It's a good idea to test the clamps on the skin of the inner wrist or the webbing between the thumb and forefinger, to get an accurate "reading" of the level of intensity. If it's bearable and tolerable within that threshold of pain/pleasure, they should be fine for the nipples or labia or balls!nnOne of the best clamps is the "Japanese" clover clamps. Clover clamps are intricately curved spring mechanisms, which closes when released from being squeezed open. The tips which make the direct contact on the nipple have rubber coverings. The pressure they yield is quite intense and cannot be adjusted. They do, however, tend to close and clamp even tighter when the chain attached to the clamps is pulled. Many find them extremely exciting for exactly those reasons! They have a very attractive look , which makes them even more popular, hence their nickname, "Japanese Nipple Clamps", since they are used quite frequently in Japanese bondage films. They also work overtime as labia or ball sack clamps!nnAnother popular style of nipple clamp is the Tweezers Clamps, which comprises of matchstick-thin tweezers with small rubber coverings on the tips and a sliding ring allowing adjustment of the tightness. They work very well for many nipple sizes and types, as well as the labia and balls. The chains that attach to this style of nipple clamps (and the Clover Clamps above) have a variety of uses. They can be pulled, weights can be hung from them, or they can be used to lead the "patient" around or tie them off!nnIf your fingers need an especially good grip on the nipples because you'll be pulling and twisting exceptionally hard, clean the nipples with rubbing alcohol, which removes any oily substances that might make your fingers slip. Or just grasp the nipple with a cloth or tissue rather than with your bare fingers.nnRubber tipped forceps, tight squeezing tweezers and other medical devices which squeeze or clamp are great nipple play toys, too. Just let your imagination run wild...nnWhen clamping, seat the clamp on the tit before pulling on it. Allowing it to squeeze into the tit helps it to get a firm grip. Place the clamp toward the back of the tit, away from the tip. A clamp on the tip can easily slide off when it is pulled.nnNipple clamps, like other tight binding, reduce circulation. The rule of thumb is no more than ten or fifteen minutes of use at a time. Coldness, numbness, and discoloration are signals that it is time to release the clamp. Releasing the clamp often brings more pain than placing the clamp on in the first place because of the sudden inflow of circulation to the blood vessels. If you want to reduce the sudden pain, you can press your warm palm or squeeze the tips of your fingers on the clamped area as you release the clamps. The pressure slows the blood return, which eases the sudden fierceness of the pain. Of course, sudden pain may be the goal, but it is always nice to have options. nnNipple SuctionnAnother great way to do nipple play is with suction... and cupping sets work just perfectly! The plastic cups in the sets with a vacuum pump device are very handy and easy to use. And many seeking a more dramatic flair to their BDSM play, will use the Fire Cups, which add a certain ritualistic effect to the scene, since it incorporates the use of fire to heat the air inside the globe, before covering the nipple and breast area with the cup! nnUsing suction on nipples pulls the blood to the surface very rapidly, thus making the nipple tissue sensitive and swollen. With repeated use, many have enlarged their nipples with this technique. Always be safe and sane... leave the suction on only for a few (10-15 minutes) minutes at a time. Light bruising may occur, which is normal. Remember, though the area where cups are applied need to be hair- free! Otherwise the hair leaves pockets of air space which breaks the seal for the vacuum!nnAnd More Nipple Play....nTying or placing small rubber bands around the base of the nipple to force its protrusion, is another form of BDSM tit torture! One method for doing this, is to first use the suction on the nipple to make it erect, then tie and thin string around the base of the nipple. This will keep it erect and is very stimulating to the "patient" as the nipple is so sensitive at this point. Another method is to use a device called the Elastrator (used on animals...), which stretches a small, thick rubber band wide open and allows it to be put on the base of the nipple, then releases, and the rubber band is left in place. This is a technique many use for "training" the nipple to stay firm and erect or protruding.nnAnother sensual nipple play scene is hot wax. Candles without perfumes are the best. Again, test the "heat" of the melted wax before applying any to sensitive nipple areas! If it is so hot that it is burning the skin on the back of the hand, just think how hot that will be on the soft tissue of a nipple or breast! If the melted wax is a very hot type of wax (there are different variations of wax, and thus the temperatures at which they melt also vary and the resulting melted wax may hold the higher temperature longer) just hold candle higher over the area and it will cool a bit as it falls. Dripping is the best way... Try dripping an inch or so of wax over the tit, which makes a cast of the nipple when you peel it off. Use ice to harden the wax quickly which also adds another sensation! Some, who are more experienced with playing with hot wax, like to let votive candles build a small pool of wax and then pour it all at once, but this too can burn, so it is not recommended unless one is experienced with this sort of "waxing" method. Be safe... practice first!
Basic Cock and Ball Torture
Cock Torture (CT) in the SM context means causing intense stimulation, discomfort or pain to the penis, usually including the foreskin, if present, using hands and any number of improvised or purpose-made devices. This is not so horrific as it might sound to some men: the penis is often regarded as a particularly delicate and sensitive part of the anatomy but although there are specific health and safety issues to consider the organ is sturdier than you might think, and can take a good deal of punishment without serious risk (think of what it endures during energetic fucking). Cock torture often takes place in conjunction with Ball Torture, as recognized by the abbreviation CBT.
What\\\'s the Thrill?
Obviously the cock is the organ of the male body most effectively wired for pleasurable sensation and there are huge stretches of the pleasure/pain boundary to be explored in its vicinity. But arguably more important is the psychological angle: for many men, cocks are the center of sexuality and a symbol of sexual potency and when someone helplessly undergoes abuse of his most precious appendage the psychological charge is immense. A site normally associated with indulgent pleasure is being transformed into a vulnerable target for punishment and pain. There are also clear links between CT and interests in sexual control and chastity.
Parts of the Penis and How to be Cruel to Them
Shaft. A structure of several layers, the core layer being spongy tissues (the corpora cavernosa) that engorge with blood during erection and the arteries that supply them. Within this and a little closer to the underside is the urethra and around it muscle fiber, nerves and minor blood vessels covered in a loose layer of skin.
The shaft is the least sensitive part of the cock, though the sensitivity of the skin that covers it increases greatly when stretched during erection -- appropriately, because an erect cock, being under pressure, is far more fragile than a flaccid cock. The flaccid shaft can be struck with the palm of the hand, knuckles or objects like small \\\'cock-whips\\\', rulers and beaters (though avoid excessive force - see below); squeezed with hands or otherwise pressurized with bindings; scratched and abraded with fingernails and rough-textured objects like stiff brushes; subjected to extremes of hot and cold (temperature play); pinched on the surface skin with fingers or clothespins and clamps. When erect similar treatments could be applied but much more gently. In both cases avoid too much pressure on the underside, where the urethra is closest to the surface.
Foreskin. The fold of skin that covers the glans when flaccid and should roll back to expose it on erection is basically skin with nerves and blood vessels, and a little more sensitive than the shaft, particularly on the inside. Even when it has been removed by circumcision for religious, health or cosmetic reasons, a remnant usually remains, particularly of the frenum, a web-like structure that attaches it under the glans and can be a very sensitive site for pinching and pegs. The foreskin as a whole can be squeezed, stretched and twisted fairly firmly to no real ill effect.
Glans (head). Primarily spongy tissue (the corpus spongiosum, erectile but less so than the shaft) covered in a thin, tight and highly sensitive skin layer. The most sensitive part of the dick, even more so in many circumcised men, and particularly so at the ridge at its base, the corona. Little effort is needed to produce results, and some men find even gentle stroking difficult to bear. Can be struck like the shaft, squeezed, pinched, subjected to temperature play, rubbed and abraded (somebody once went for the author\\\'s with the hard-edged buttons of a video remote control unit!) and so on. Sometimes a little water-based lubricant helps things along (though careful you don\\\'t gum up your video controls).
Urethral opening or meatus. Often very sensitive and tender, particularly just inside, which in many people is an unexplored territory, and can be carefully teased with fingers or other objects such as cotton buds, lubricated if less discomfort is desired, and also stimulated by pulling and twisting on a healed Prince Albert piercing. However the urethra is sterile inside and any objects to be inserted more than a centimeter (0.5\\\") or so should be sterile too. See Catheters and Sounds for more details of urethral play, which has its own potential dangers.
Special Techniques
Much enjoyment can be gained by exploiting the cock\\\'s propensity to increase and decrease in size somewhat independently of the conscious control of its owner by various forms of cock bondage. One of the commonest pieces of male SM wear is undoubtedly the cock ring, a metal or rubber ring (the latter are usually vacuum cleaner drive belts repackaged by fetish shops at a vast premium) through which first balls (one by one) then cock are slipped when flaccid and which can give a pleasantly constricted feeling when erect. With some men, unfortunately, the difference in size between tumescence and detumesence is so large that it\\\'s impossible to find a size that stays on all the time but isn\\\'t dangerously tight and uncomfortable on erection. As David Stein recounts: \\\"I once made the mistake of putting on a metal ring at home before going out. At the bar, when I lost my erection in a moment of distraction, the ring came off, slid down the leg of my jeans, hit the floor with a clang, and rolled away. Not the way to make a good impression.\\\" A variation on a ring is a simple cock strap that goes round the same site, often made of leather or neoprene and adjustable to size.
During a scene, the snugness of the bindings could be increased so that erections are deliberately made uncomfortable or painful (there are some hazards to this -- see below): with some people this can result in a particularly vicious circle with the discomfort itself exciting further erection. This can be achieved with cords, laces or thongs, for example tightly connecting loops around the glans with loops anchored round the base of cock and balls. A variety of purpose made cock straps is also available for the purpose, such as the \\\'anti-erect\\\'. There are obvious links here to chastity techniques. In addition, cocks are often the focus of some of the specialist techniques dealt with elsewhere: see particularly Clothespins, Electricity, Piercing (Temporary and Permanent), Pumping, Wax.
Health and Safety
Circulation Blockage
This is probably the biggest danger in cock play, as pain may not be a reliable indicator. Tissue that\\\'s deprived of blood eventually stops hurting -- which doesn\\\'t mean it\\\'s okay! It may be irreversibly damaged. Any binding is too tight if it cuts into the skin and causes bleeding. Any binding is on too long if it causes the cock or ballsack to become cold or numb, but the third typical sign of circulation problems in limbs that are bound -- loss of color -- is less reliable in this case. The cock and ballsack normally become engorged with blood during sexual arousal, turning reddish or purplish as a result, and up to a point genital bondage just helps that process along. Circulation could be dangerously impaired by tight bindings before there\\\'s much loss of color.
A better sign of impaired circulation is edema, or visible swelling, of soft tissue in the cock or scrotum below or around a binding. While such swelling isn\\\'t dangerous in itself (it will normally go down on its own after circulation resumes), whenever it occurs the bonds causing it should be loosened or removed as soon as possible in order to prevent damage. Avoid genital bindings that can\\\'t be removed easily even when there\\\'s swelling. Tie with a bow-knot or some other knot that will release easily if you pull on the ends -- and be sure to leave the ends long enough to get at. Keep blunt-tipped emergency medical technician\\\'s shears (scissors) available to cut bindings in an emergency. Don\\\'t use a metal cock ring that\\\'s tight when the cock you put it on is soft. It\\\'s going to be a lot tighter when that cock gets hard, and you won\\\'t be able to take it off until the cock softens again -- which might be a long wait if the ring has caused severe edema.
To sum up: A good rule of thumb is to loosen tight genital bindings enough to restore full circulation every 20 to 30 minutes even without any signs of a problem. And in no case should anything tighter than a comfortable ring or harness be left in place overnight or throughout an extended scene.
Retrograde ejaculation
If a man is pushed to come while tightly bound around the genitals, the semen may be pushed back down the urethra and reabsorbed into the body. Deliberate retrograde ejaculation is a practice of Tantric yoga, and although possibly uncomfortable, there doesn\\\'t seem to be any direct medical research on whether it is harmful. Evidence from vasectomies suggests frequent retrograde ejaculations might at worst lower sperm counts or generate antibodies to semen. An isolated incident should be nothing to worry about.
Other problems
Foreskins can be torn, and if circulation in them is cut off for very long, the tissue won\\\'t retract normally and could even die and slough off. Be gentle with genital piercing: if you rip a ring out, you\\\'ll need medical help to repair the damage and avoid a nasty scar, infection, or worse. If a ring does tear out, use an ice pack and local pressure to stop the bleeding (see the First Aid Manual) until you can get to a doctor.
A fracture, when an erect penis is struck hard and \\\"breaks\\\" with a loud cracking noise, is an unlikely but potentially serious problem, a medical emergency that requires prompt treatment by a physician. As first aid on the way to the hospital, use ice packs to control bleeding. But if you avoid hard blows to a hard cock, you won\\\'t risk the problem in the first place.
Ball Torture (BT) refers to a range of techniques to cause sensation, discomfort and pain in the male testicles and scrotum. Common examples are squeezing with hands, slapping and beating with hands and other objects, crushing using various vice-like devices and applying pressure with bindings, straps and weights are favorite techniques. Often found in conjunction with cock torture (CT), thus CBT.
What\\\'s the Thrill?
As most men know, the balls are highly sensitive, particularly to pressure. Most men find handling, stroking and squeezing gently is a pleasurable sensation in itself, and the boundary between strong sensation and outright pain seems particularly malleable here. For many people there is also the thrill that the balls are regarded as probably the most delicate and vulnerable part of the male anatomy and using them in SM games requires great trust and carries a particularly intense charge.
Anatomy
The scrotum is a loose, flexible bag of skin that contains the testicles (the \\\"balls\\\"), two bean-shaped organs of fibrous material covering soft gland tissue in which sperm is produced. Plentiful pressure-sensitive nerves in the testicles account for their extreme sensitivity to blows or squeezing. A ridge on the outside of each testicle, known as the epidymis, extends up to form a lump on top and contains tubules that transfer sperm. Attached to the top, next to the epidymis, is the spermatic cord, an elastic tissue that connects the testicles to the rest of the body and contains the vas deferens, the duct between the epidymis and the penis. Since sperm production requires a lower temperature than the normal body temperature, the testicles usually hang outside the body, but the spermatic cord can draw them up into the body when cold. The scrotum also contains some fluid.
What to Use
Hands are the obvious weapons: precisely controllable and always available. Slap (gently), punch (more gently), or flick with fingertips, and carefully squeeze with the fingers. Get the balls in the bottom of the scrotum, then twist the scrotum around above them to prevent them slipping out of your fingers. Probably the second most popular items are ball bondage toys. Cords, ropes, laces and bandages can all be wrapped in various ways around the balls to stretch the scrotal skin, force balls apart or together and put pressure on individual balls. A classic basic tie is a loop around the base of both cock and balls, a loop around the neck of the scrotum and then a loop between the balls to force them apart. Leather and fetish shops usually have a range of (usually leather, sometimes rubber or neoprene) toys with various arrangements of straps purpose made for ball bondage, for example:
Cock and ball straps and dividers anchor the balls in place round the root of the scrotum and cock and pass around the scrotum vertically to separate the balls. Ball stretchers are straps of various sizes that go around the top of the scrotum horizontally, forcing the balls down into the stretched sac. Alternatives are bandages, ropes or leather thongs which can be gradually wrapped round to increase the pressure. Just a modest strap around the top of the scrotum will have the additional effect of trapping the balls and preventing them slipping out of range.
Parachutes are parachute-shaped devices with a hole in the middle for the scrotum to pass through, with the parachute itself resting on top of the balls. Ball weights are then hung from chains below the parachute. Weights can also be hung from arrangements of chain or rope. Be very careful with weights: some men can work up to hanging quite large weights from their balls, but there is some danger to the practice. Weights of 500g-1.5kg (1-3 lbs) should be enough to give sensation and be safe. As well as weights, light objects that move can be hung from balls. A London top has experimented with dangling a spherical jumping toy from Toys R Us in a string bag attached to ball bindings or parachute.
Crushing the balls can be achieved with various clamps or bondage equipment like cling film (saran wrap) or elastic bandages (Ace bandages). DeBlase says he has read \\\"of an American Indian torture that involved soaking a piece of rawhide and then sewing it up to tightly encase a victim\\\'s scrotum. As it dries, it shrinks, increasing pressure\\\" (1993:17). He also speculates about experimenting with an inflatable blood pressure cuff, and suggests putting gravel inside the elastic bandages to add abrasion to the repertoire of ball techniques.
Toys for beating need to be fairly light and delicate. An ordinary pencil is quite adequate, especially for rapid light strokes on a well-secured ball. Some people use a small, soft cat o\\\'nine tails called a ball whip. One source of hard objects suitable to the task is music shops: try bell-beaters designed for playing hand-held cowbells, or mallets topped with dense rubber balls of the sort used to play glockenspiels and chime bars!
Other specialist techniques could be applied to the balls. See elastrators, electricity, play piercing, shaving.
Health and Safety
The key thing to remember is that levels of tolerance vary enormously. When you\\\'re playing with anyone new, always start out lightly with any kind of stimulation to the balls and increase the intensity gradually. With an established partner or in \\\"self-abuse\\\" you can safely begin at a higher level and move faster, but you should still be very sensitive to his (or your own) reactions as you go along. Probably the single most important danger signal in this area is intense and often rapidly increasing pain, so the bottom must be able to let the top know unmistakably when he\\\'s had enough. In the vast majority of cases, a bottom whose consciousness is not dulled by alcohol or drugs will have no difficulty in distinguishing between a level of pain that is erotically stimulating and pain that signals real damage.
Probably the most common form of genitorture involves pressure exerted by \\\"ball crushers,\\\" the hands, or weights. While even a heavy, experienced masochist is almost certain to beg for relief well before damage is done through steady pressure alone, if you have any doubt whether you\\\'re injuring him, stop.
Ball stretchers aren\\\'t hazardous within reasonable limits, but don\\\'t get impatient and overdo. Begin with a narrow stretcher band and work up to wider ones gradually, carefully monitoring the bottom\\\'s (or your own) acceptance of the increasing pressure. Do not leave the any genital bindings on too long and certainly not overnight - a good rule of thumb is to remove them every 20 or 30 minutes and allow the circulation to return to normal for a while. See the Cock Torture briefing for more on the dangers of circulation blockage in cock and ball play.
Much more potentially hazardous is any bondage in which the balls are tied to something else, such as another part of the body or a hook on wall or floor, and might be yanked by a sudden movement: for instance, if you tie a rope or attach a chain between his ankles and his scrotum so that if he tries to move his legs he pulls on his balls. Don\\\'t combine this kind of bondage with any other strong stimulation that might cause him to yank on his balls involuntarily, in reaction to pain elsewhere, unless he\\\'s otherwise so tightly restrained he cannot move enough to put pressure on them. And never tie someone by the balls to a wall, post, etc. in a standing position without additional support: he could lose his balance or faint and put his whole body-weight on them.
The most common injuries to the balls during genitorture are abrasions (usually from rough-surfaced bindings, such as rawhide or scratchy rope), bruises (usually from slapping or whipping the balls), and tiny cuts (which might happen in any rough play when the scrotum is pulled tight over the balls, or during a shaving), minor injuries best treated with sensible first aid such as cleaning with antiseptic. Bruises generally heal by themselves, though an ice pack can limit swelling. Medical intervention is not usually necessary unless the bruising doesn\\\'t fade normally or you suspect an infection.
More serious is a hematoma, which occurs when an injury ruptures larger, deeper blood vessels and a pool or pocket of blood forms between layers of tissue, such as between the scrotum and the balls. The pocket of blood will generally clot in a short time and form a hard mass. Externally, it will appear as a firm, bulging, or swollen area. A small hematoma will usually be reabsorbed without lasting damage. One that is large or keeps growing (because fresh blood keeps accumulating) can \\\"squeeze\\\" adjacent structures, including nerves and blood vessels, reducing circulation to the area and impairing sensation and other functions. If the pressure of a large hematoma is not relieved, permanent damage can result. Prompt medical attention is indicated.
In men who are predisposed to them, minor injuries to the balls can precipitate subsequent swellings, called hydroceles or spermatoceles, in which fluids other than blood build up in the space around the testicles. They can be corrected at one\\\'s convenience unless they become infected, in which case prompt treatment is required. Another problem to watch out for is an epididymal cyst; this is not typically caused by trauma but if you notice any unexplained swelling or mass in your partner\\\'s scrotum, or your own, do not engage in such play until you know it is harmless or have it corrected. Also, avoid ball bondage entirely with anyone who has a scrotal hernia.
Probably the most serious damage that might occur to the balls during erotic genitorture -- which is not to say that it\\\'s likely -- is rupture of a testicle. This is when the outer covering of the ball splits and allows the contents to spill out into the scrotal sac. Besides causing extreme pain, often accompanied by nausea, a ruptured testicle will make the scrotum swell rapidly, and internal bleeding will nearly always create a large hematoma. The ballsack will appear black and blue and be massively enlarged. If this happens, go to an emergency room immediately! The most likely causes are suddenly yanking on the balls or hitting them with a heavy, blunt instrument. Symptoms similar to rupture occur in cases of testicular torsion, which is when the spermatic cords and vessels that suspend the testicle within the scrotum become twisted or kinked, interrupting the normal flow of blood, etc. There will be intense pain, and the scrotum will swell rapidly and be extremely tender to the touch. Surgery must be done within six hours of the onset of pain or the testicle will be lost.
Are slaves weak?
There is a brutal misunderstanding that slaves are weak. A slave announces its slavery. Someone who's known the slave for years as being very strong and dominant is surprised. They cannot reconcile that their long-time powerful friend is slave. "Aren't slaves weak?" they ask, "You're not that weak." There is nothing to be reconciled. Slaves ARE strong.
The use of the word submission is associated throughout our lives with being weak and being obligated to accept what we cannot resist. We submit to teachers. We submit to our parents. We submit to our boss. We submit to our religious leaders. Over and over we are reminded that someone else has greater power over us. Throughout our childhood, our adolescence and continuing into our adulthood we are conditioned to believe that to submit means to yield to superior power against our will. That power is always associated with authority.
When we SURRENDER obedience instead of submit, there is an associated sense that the surrendering is both powerful and full of options. A slave still chooses to give obedience despite its power and its options. Regardless of the word that is used, the point is that the gift of obedience must come from a place of power and not from any sense of weakness nor of compromise.
From an Owner's perspective, slavery that is based on weakness is a burden. Only slavery built on power and strength can become an asset. An Owner's task in life is to empower those who are owned. Weakness is the enemy. Power is the solution to finally owning a valuable asset. That asset must become so valuable that it fulfills its destiny while doing nothing more than obeying perfectly, completely and consistently.
It is easy to confuse the relationship of an Owner responsible for empowering the destiny of a slave for a healthy Master/slave relationship that is not intended to move beyond human logic and understanding. To the casual observer, the intention of each could look the same. Many benefits can still result from transforming a traditional relationship, even a marriage, into a Master/slave relationship without ever considering destiny. For both purposes the basic responsibilities are the same. The Owner/Master is responsible for commanding, and the slave is responsible for obeying.
To produce the destiny of slavery, however, every possible power and strength must be transferred into the slave while building an adequate container made exclusively of obedience. Only the limit of the obedience limits the quantity of power that can be developed inside the slave. The quantity of power placed in a slave can never exceed the strength and integrity of the obedience. Only a command must set all that power free and only another command freeze it in place.
When used to build destiny, all S/M activity has as a part of its function the transfer of power. Simultaneously, the S/M builds additional obedience, which is the container of that power. The container is of no value without the power it contains, and the power is wasted or misused if the container is not adequate to hold the power that is being collected.
If someone were to put both arms together and push, one against the other, as in an arm wrestling match, one arm would put the other down, winning. That victorious arm is the strong one. The arm that would lose would be the weak one. Now consider that everything that you needed to do during the day had to be accomplished while the weaker arm was being put down submissively against the stronger arm as each task was being performed. The only resulting power available would be what is left over after over-powering the weaker arm. The power available would be the mathematical result of subtracting the weaker from the stronger.
Similarly, a Master who takes on a slave through obliged submission has only the power that remains after producing the submission. Obviously, there is less power available than if the slave weren't being obliged into submission. For some, the benefits are adequate to a Master/slave relationship, despite the power consumed.
To develop the capacity to achieve destiny, tremendous amounts of power are needed. To reach that capacity, the power developed and stored in the slave must be added to the Owner's own power. That power addition occurs when obedience is the singular connection between the slave and the Owner. The lack of right to choice makes the connection efficient and effective at combining the power from both the slave part and the Owner part of the connection. The reason we are Owners and the reason that slaves seek Owners is because the destined purposes for which the power is needed has been given exclusively to the Owner. If slaves could feel their own purpose and only needed their own egotistic abilities, they wouldn't need an Owner, and shouldn't seek one. Creating, storing, controlling and coordinating the power and determining when to use the combined power is an Owner's exclusive responsibility.
Obedience is a powerful surrender of authority. Obedience frees and controls the power in the slave and allows it to be mathematically added to the power in the Owner.
I've clarified the variety of slave types and Master/slave combinations elsewhere. What is done within the realm of humanism, psychiatry or egotism are different pursuits, legitimate but different. Everyone needs to be healthy and realized in each of these areas. Spiritualists universally refer to this essential egotistic period during which we become strong, and then outgrow in order to begin our destined period. Everything we do to grow that is understandable is done to prepare us for what makes us unique, and that cannot be understood. When destiny is our conscious pursuit we can't afford to get distracted by or caught in our egotistic human training period. All of life's resource is intended to be put to its highest use in the world. That activity is destiny.
To move into destiny, the minimum required is to graduate from what works and what is healthy. If what results from our efforts is still logical, explainable, documentable or predictable, then we're not yet past what is average. Being more than average requires moving into a world where results cannot be understood from cause and effect or any other human phenomena. The ego likes to stay where it feels it is in control and is doing what it does well. The ego resists going beyond what keeps it feeling comfortable. Most people are not willing to defy the ego for what is greater. Defying the ego requires power than can only be controlled by obedience.
The additive power of slave strength to an Owner's life produces the environment in which we can get beyond what is average. The Owner must first get Himself beyond being egotistic to qualify for empowering a slave to do the same thing. Limiting life to only that which can be understood is spiritually fatal. As critical as the activities are in the early parts of our lives, stopping our life at what can be done with therapy or science or any understanding is a promise to never achieve destiny. Focusing on what can be understood is to focus on what prepares us for our destiny. We can never know, by definition, where our destinies will take us. We can never understand the phenomena that exists in the spiritual world that becomes ours once we allow ourselves to live our destinies.
Consider your most powerful moment. That moment was filled with confidence, certainty and a clear obligation to do what had to be done. That moment cannot be understood rationally. Real power, when viewed from the human perspective, has a sense of insanity in it, something we cannot explain nor understand. Power that can be controlled and directed by the egotistic mind is too limited to do anything significant. When dealing with the quantities of power being discussed here, the only sufficient control is obedience. Obedience replaces understanding when we move beyond what can be understood.
When we don't believe there is any intelligence outside ourselves, that is greater than our own, we have no place to put our obedience. When an Owner's obedience isn't located, practiced and confirmed, then slaves have no place to put theirs, in us. Limiting the power we give slaves, limits our need to surrender through obedience, to what we don't control. That's an Owner's egotistic defense at work. Keep the power small and we can keep our concepts of reality small enough to explain and control with what is within human understanding.
Go beyond human understanding, however, and we open up the whole world of Divine logic, flow and the whole myriad of spiritual and philosophical concepts that we can connect with only through obedience. When obedient, we don't need to know, recognize nor understand any of the concepts. Any attempt to do so is just another diversion our egos create to limit our personal rate of change and the speed of our growth.
Consider what we never hope to understand. Accept what we can never explain. Embrace what makes no sense to the human mind. Start with these convictions and we can begin to live in the world we neither control nor feel a need to. Begin to live by these, as commitments, and we can accumulate our slaves' power that we both put there and that rightfully belongs to us. Think of slaves as being weak, or refer to them in ways that imply weakness and the subtractive energy remaining will define the crippled product of our lives. Start where most humans are happy ending up, then step into not understanding. Build and live by obedience and you can inherit your destiny as an Owner and the ability to give our slaves theirs.
WHEN IS A SLAVE READY?
The process of becoming slave requires several things, including:
1. Learning complete obedience
2. Accepting being who you are no matter what that is
3. Doing with your life whatever, whoever, whenever you are ordered, forever
4. Giving up all claim to a self
5. Growing in the perfect fertile environment for a slave
6. Being a part of a family of slaves
7. Allowing yourself to experience that there is a higher power that will run your life
The person who does the developing has to:
1. Be the one who was given who you are
2. Have as his sole objective first the development, then management of your slavery
3. Be internally sworn to always act in the slave's best interest, for life
4. Know how to give slavery
5. Have accepted his own destiny, and be following the Universe's orders, intentionally
If any of the above elements is missing, then you are arranging a relationship, not pursuing your destiny as a slave. Either process is legitimate, but different. If you were given your own purpose, you should arrange your own relationships. If your purpose was given to another, you should never arrange your own relationship. You either were created to be slave, or you were not.
To decide if you are ready, determine:
1. Whether or not you were given your own purpose or it was given to another.
2. If you have developed personally to the point that you are independently successful, and don't need a relationship to "make" you successful.
3. If you are willing to give your personal success away for what your creator wants you to do, no matter what that is.
4. If slavery is now your first, and best, choice of what to do in life, not a second or "also ran" alternative.
5. That you have had enough experiences with what doesn't work that you won't go through your slavery development constantly looking over your shoulder at what might be better.
6. That you don't have a hidden agenda and are capable of finally wanting ONLY what another wants for the rest of your life.
7. If you have the commitment, perseverance and dedication to do whatever is required to first become, and then live your slavery.
8. If you will let yourself become proud of your slavery, first to yourself, then others, and then to the world.
9. If you are willing to accept the responsibility of being a leader in life, and of doing what it requires to be great, in obedience.
10 If you are willing to accept being a non-human creature incapable of committing an immoral act, ever, for the rest of your life.
Becoming slave is not a battle of the wills, or of the egos. It is accepting that the only will you have or want is your owner's will, and there is only one will.
Before beginning, REVIEW:
1. Personally and privately where you currently are in light of the above requirements
2. With friends, potential slave brothers, family and others whose opinion you respect
3. With the man you think was created with your purpose
Only then is it time to arrange the first session. In most cases you will know after the first session whether or not you are slave, or have the ability to become what you were created to be. You also have to be willing to accept the truth about that.
Falling or Floating or something else?
this is an article I found, that I think is very interesting...enjoy!!!
"Probably the toughest thing to describe to the uninitiated is that elusive thing that many call "subspace." It's also known as "headspace" or "flying" or "floating" but while those of us who are experienced know just what this means within our own context, it is a very difficult thing to define. In fact, I've been trying to write about it for a number of years now without success.
Okay, why is this so hard to pin down? Because it is felt differently by any given individual and there are many ways to get to this point; there are also some folks who never feel much of anything mentally but may feel certain physical responses.
At this point, I read my own words on the subject with a great sigh. I've just written two whole paragraphs and haven't said anything worthwhile. But, like any other topic in this lifestyle, there is no *one true way* to describe any relationship or the feelings anyone experiences as a part of this lifestyle. So, I speak for myself here and *Your Mileage May Vary* as they say. One of the few things I can state in an absolute way is that it is my Master (Michael) who coined the term several years ago and he *borrowed* the term from Star Trek.
Subspace is--usually--more than just the submissive headspace one feels from serving one's dominant in some way... more than that extraordinary need to please that is so common for slaves and submissives alike. The most simple description is a sort of hypnotic state reached by the release of endorphins into the bloodstream. But the pseudo-scientific explanation of subspace doesn't really matter, at least as far as this writing goes. What I want to talk about is the mental and physical feelings involved.
It can take on a dreamy quality and can virtually paralyze some submissives for a time. It is, in my opinion, also the greatest natural high there is and many have likened it to a "runner's high" or the release of adrenelin into the system. Some have said it is invigorating rather than a relaxing trance-like state and it has often been stated (I think mostly by those who have never experienced it) that it is only possible to reach subspace through painful physical stimuli. Frankly, that is nonsense; it is more than possible to reach subspace from overwhelming passion and love with no pain being involved at all.
I've felt subspace on a number of levels in my time in the lifestyle, which, by the way doesn't make me any sort of expert on the subject. There are many submissives I have spoken with who feel wholly different in this mental state and all of us are describing the same thing.
Sometimes, subspace can get so deep that one can't communicate at all and can't even move. I've had this happen a number of times and it is for this reason that I want to caution folks who are new to all of this that no matter how subspace is felt by any submissive, this can be a very dangerous situation for both dominant and submissive. After all, if the sub cannot communicate, he or she cannot safeword, safe "gesture" or in any way protect themselves and it is up to the dominant to handle such situations with a level head and to be aware of it. My point also covers the fact that subspace can change over the course of a relationship and the reactions--even to the same stimuli--can also change for no particular reason.
Subspace can be the most wonderful experience and it can also be terrifying. I've also felt as if I were falling out of control and this is not a pleasant feeling. I am not describing a *flashback* situation from some previous situation going badly (such as abuse issues), but rather a sensation that is like being in a plummeting out-of-control elevator. I can be talked *down* from this, but have been fortunate to be with a Master who is always prepared to handle whatever form my subspace may take in any situation.
At its very best, subspace is almost always a mental and physical *high* for me. I sometimes see my own body in a beautiful garden with gorgeous flowers and a flowing stream and feel such a sense of security and comfort and love that I can only describe it as *temporary Heaven.* Often, I do not speak at all but I know my Master is there and it feels as if we are the only two people in the world. Sometimes I do talk, but not in response to my Master but rather a flowing sort of stream-of-consciousness that makes no sense really. And when he brings me *back to earth* from these kind of subspace experiences, all of my physical discomforts are gone and I feel no pain whatsoever. I feel as if I could run a marathon and this is what is magical about it. I do suffer from constant pain in the form of inflammatory arthritis and there is no medicine in the world that works to totally alleviate my pain as *subspace* does for a period of time.
Beyond this wonderful high is the essential complete trust I have in my Master. I know he will not leave me alone in this state (which could be quite dangerous) and that unless there is some emergency, he will be gentle and take his time bringing me back from the subspace to reality again.
I have had subspace last for several days as well and that is sometimes an almost bizarre feeling. Bizarre because the things that normally bother me don't bug me at all and I feel quite *dreamy* even while able to function as I usually do; I'll call these experiences a sort of *veiled reality* and I have no idea why subspace varies so much from time to time. Also, I have gotten into subspace with just his voice on the phone and from multiple orgasms as well. Altogether, it is a state of mind and sometimes state of body that I wish could be bottled but I have not *mastered* getting into subspace all by myself, though I suppose that may be possible as well."
Let's talk About Pain
I know, that is rather an odd way to begin but I have listened to so many people who have little or no concept of just how much pleasure can be gained from feeling pain. An odd concept I hear you say and of course, 90% of the time you may well be correct in your assumption. But do you have any knowledge of pain v pleasure, or even the effect of submitting to demands made upon your mind and body until all your senses scream out for release.
You may say that you have trouble with the idea that pain can be viewed as pleasurable but believe me it is possible if you allow yourself to become caught up in more of what is happening rather than why.
Pain in itself can occur in two forms. We like to call these either... "pain/pain" or "pleasure/pain".
If someone whacks you with a hammer... that hurts ...that's pain/pain. If however, someone take their hand, and slowly, but very carefully... spank a sub's butt; starting with the lightest touch and progressively increasing the power, the body (as it does with the hammer too) releases natural chemicals, endorphins, which are hugely powerful painkillers.
Endorphins can be up to 10000 times more powerful than morphine, they create not only a reduction in the effect of pain, but along with the production of adrenaline can create in the right circumstances almost hallucinogenic type states which we might refer to as "subspace" or "flying".
Endorphins are neurotransmitters (chemicals which are directly involved in the brain's electrochemical workings). High endorphin levels cause a feeling of euphoria. (high endorphin levels are a way to create hyper activity within the brain, more so than most people are used to dealing with). Of course, BDSM is not the only way to achieve this state. Long-distance runners refer to it as "runner's high."
In order to stimulate the release of endorphins, the Dom should gradually increase the pain level until it nears the pain threshold. After reaching the threshold, lower the intensity or even stop for a while and allow the endorphins which the pain released to work their magic, nullifying the pain. When the Dom once again begins to increase the pain, the endorphins which the previous cycle released allow the sub to tolerate a higher level of pain. The now higher level of pain releases even more endorphins, and the cycle begins again.
The sensitive, careful and methodical application of pain can move the pain threshold higher, enabling the sub to tolerate higher levels of pain, thereby receiving the benefits of higher endorphin levels. To the sub, the pain will not seem to increase, even though the physical trauma upon the body does. This is because as endorphin levels rise, the pain becomes deadened.
Patience is a virtue here. There are several difficulties you may run into. They can discourage you, but don't let them! Keep them in mind, watch for them, and when they occur, alter your technique until you find that unique formula that works for you and your sub. Sometimes subtle changes in technique can produce dramatic results.
Sometimes the pain threshold will hit a plateau, refusing to rise further. If this happens, a complete break in activity for a few moments, a few minutes or longer might be in order. Every sub has a certain point beyond which even the best technique cannot take them. This point can vary from day to day. Just because the sub hit a new high yesterday doesn't mean he or she will hit it again today.
Another common problem is hypersensitivity, which causes the pain threshold to drop dramatically. Those of you who have had large tattoos done know how it works. Believe me, it's no fun. You are playing, having a great time - the sub is on a major endorphin high and you're loving it. Suddenly the sub safes out. You take a break and then get back into it, but after the break even love taps are too painful. What went wrong?
Hypersensitivity seems to happen most often when you have been pushing too far, too fast. Playing right around the threshold is physically and mentally stressful, and too much of it will wear the sub out. Make sure when you bring him or her back down, you leave plenty of time for rest.
Endorphin highs are a great reward, but they take hard work. Even an experienced Dom takes time to learn what works for a new sub, and as a novice you have to learn about the sub while learning the technique. Just work slowly, stay determined, and look for small signs of success. These small successes will tell you what works for your sub. Eventually, with patience, you will get it. A reminder here that an essential part of all this is communication. Tell each other what and how you are doing, how you feel, what works and what does not.
Can you trigger their release with pleasure as well as pain?
In my experience, the need for many varied kinds of stimulation combined together is best to create the state; not just pain, not just sexual stimulation, or the tone of voice, but everything working together to create a bubble effect inside which the sub becomes so intensely unaware of everything apart from the effects of the naturally occurring drugs, through the pain and pleasure, on her mind.
"Pain is a means to an end, but not the goal itself," and as that is most often the case I do have to ask why some Dominants only ever seem to use the administration of pain while in the "punishment mode" that seems to be so prolific within the lifestyle.
This attitude is one that is so prevalent that I wonder if those Dominants that use this technique do so because they have no real knowledge of what else they could be giving to their subs, or maybe it's because they are not really that concerned about how the sub is feeling during a caning because their vision is blurred by the "punishment routine". That is their major focus and because they don't know that there is more to be gained from the administration of pain they see no further.
Such a pity for the sub on the receiving end of the pain, for that's what they experience, pure and simple pain/pain and because the Dominant, either through lack of knowledge or simply lack of the basic understanding of how pleasure/pain could be used, bends the sub over, pulls back his hand and wallops the flesh without any real thought of why or even how he could better use these techniques for the mutual pleasure of both parties.
Perhaps a way of distinguishing between the two is to reserve one item (a cane for example) as the means of administering punishment, so that item is associated with the punishment and nothing else. Other items can then be associated with pleasure/pain, and the sub, knowing this fact is already in a state where they are beginning to achieve the endorphin highs that come from pleasure pain when play is commenced with anything other than the punishment tool.
Of course, the use of pain is well known within the lifestyle in conjunction with a punishment regime and as such should never be seen by the sub as anything other than pain/pain as a form of correction, but surely there is some need for all subs to also be allowed to find the exquisite pleasure that is hidden within the Masters hand, if only he had taken the time and effort of learn himself that there is more to life that just "bend over sub, whack"
Advice for the novice submissive
Alright, here you are, you have found what is within you, realized that you are not an anomaly; You're not some freak. There is a name for it. You are a submissive. You are ready to drop to your knees, lower your eyes and bow your head forward in anticipation of a collar. WHOA there... slow down and take time to figure out what it is you want before you feel that collar close around your throat (either literally or figuratively)
Your submission...
First off, throughout everything you read and everyone you talk to about BDSM or D/s, remember one thing-- Your submission is unique unto you. If you do much research you will undoubtedly find lists of *what a submissive is* or *traits of a submissive*. Keep in mind that these are qualitites that enhance who you are. Change is good, personal growth is good, evolution of one's inner being...also good. Pretending to be something or someone you're not in order to fulfill someone else's real or imagined "ideal"? A recipe for heartache and disaster. A quote most of U/us are familiar with says it concisely, "To thine own self be true". The Person who will be your Dom/me was attracted to who you are, it's as simple as that.
The Basic Foundation for a D/s relationship, The Four Pillars:
Trust...
One of the most basic components in the foundation of any relationship is trust. How can you give yourself to another person (even in the most vanilla exchange) if you cannot trust them? It's your responsibility to cultivate that trust......and to be wise in who you put your trust in.
Honesty...
Honesty not only with your Dom, but with yourself. To have a realistic acceptance of who you are and your limits. Honesty is also vital to the safety of you AND your Dom. The physical and mental wellbeing of both could be in jeopardy in a case where the sub wasn't honest about his or her limits, or held back his or her feelings about *headspace* at any given time.
Love...
Love isn't something anyone can easily define, but it is an integral part in any relationship. Sure, there are those involved in BDSM or D/s just for the kink of it and love has little to nothing to do with it, but we aren't really directing this at them. Love, in it's purest form is a vital emotion that can strengthen and deepen your relationship.
Respect...
Respect is a concept that is deceptively simple, yet touches every aspect of our lives. In some ways, respect is the glue that holds this lifestyle together. Honor, courtesy, tolerance and acceptance are all facets of that respect. A point to make here is that not dropping to your knees online or realtime for any Dom, Dick or Harry is a matter of self respect, respect, and safety. Self respect and self acceptance are things we all strive toward. Respect is earned. Being a sub doesn't automatically require you to be subservient to any other human being.
These four elements are the foundation of your relationship. The strength of that relationship is entirely dependant upon the cultivation and care of it's supporting elements.
Your submission is an expression of who you are. Cherish that, and accept no less from a Dominant. Take time to get to know not only Dominants, but submissives and form a network of people you can learn from, share with, and trust. You have begun a wonderous journey, one that is exciting and emotionally charged. There is one more thing for you to remember...
it's supposed to be fun, enjoy!
Master vs Abuser
This is the story of a slave that experienced something you should be careful with. It does not matter if you have a Master or a Mistress Read and learn. n"I suppose to some there is no difference between the two labels, after all doesn't a Master use and effectively abuse their slave in much the same way an abusive partner does?????nnWell Yes they do in some ways, yet not in others, however the difference lies in one single word.....nnConsensual.Having been subject to forced slavery to the extent that it nearly took my life I know the difference. However to some the line may not be that clearly defined and that can cause problems with often devastating consequences.nnI have always been submissive by nature, always wanting to please others, always making sure everyone else was contented before, if at all, ensuring I was. I was always drawn to Dominant personalities, respected authority even viewed it a little different to others. It is that nature that led me and many others to find them selves in abusive relationships and often not realising it untill it’s too late to get out.nnIt isn’t always easy to spot the difference between a Master and an abuser and often by the time you do you have been sucked into a relationship and brain washed enough to find yourself seemingly unable to get out.The following pointers I have written to hopefully try and help new and often, though not always, naive submissives. They are not a statements of fact merely my views from experience.nnBeing apprehensive of your Master is normal and in fact healthy in a M/s relationship however being afraid of him fear ISN'T. Being afraid of the Man you are entrusting your well being to is not a good sign. Living in fear is unhealthy for you and for the relationship. As I said being wary or, cautious, or a little nervous is acceptable but fear will ultimately destroy yo..nnCan you approach your Master with worries possibly even complaints?? i mean could you go to your Master and, obviously with respect and if deemed at the appropriate time, say "Master i am not happy with this and this and that worries me...."? If you can and He will listen and consider your points then you have a healthy relationship, if however you can’t or he won’t allow it then something is wrong.nnAlthough a slave/sub doesn't dictate the relationship, but they do have and should use their voice and that voice should be heard, always.You have failed a task for your Master; how do you feel? If the answer is ashamed, dissappointed in yourself, hurt maybe, you feel bad because you have let him down, worried about telling Him because you know he will be dissappointed in you and that in its self will hurt more than any crop or cane he may impose, yes? Good ! That is how i’d feel and from others i have spoken to that seems to be the general overall viewpoint.nnAre You scared of telling him, really scared?, Do you fear not him but the punishment he will impose?, Will the punishment hurt more than the emotions within? Bad ! Punishment shouldn’t predominantly be physical pain, it is the mindset with it that makes it punishment. If your punishment is a physical beating then something very definitely isn’t right.I am aware that not all couples have safewords. i for one don’t have one but i have implicit trust in Master.nnHowever if you do have one, is it honoured immediately? Does your stop word mean the scene or the activity will STOP dead there and then? If so then you have no worries, if not, if he carries on just that little bit further, time to ask how much further will he carry on next time. Will he stop the time after that? What’s the point of a safe/stop word if it isn’t honoured.nnFor those that don't have a safeword, does your Master notice you in distress, if so then what does he do? He should by rights either stop or alter what he is doing untill the moment of distress has passed and before resuming ensure that you are safe mentally and physically. If he does not notice you in distress then you should consider choosing a safeword for the future and obviously then following the guidelines above.Degraedation is enjoyed by many M/s couples and i am not about to say it is wrong, however, if it is constant then it is damaging.nnAs enjoyable as it may be at times, constant put downs and/or, insults will eventually make the one on the receiving end really start to believe it and that again is mentally damaging. Reassurance, affection and comforting words need to be a part of the relationship also.Hurt not Harm, a selfexplainatory statement i think but one that is often over looked. Yes it is ok for your Master to hurt you (obviously within reason/limits) but it isn’t acceptable for Him to harm you.nnAccidents, do happen and should your Master harm you he should show remorse not just brush it off. If you find yourself regularly harmed then it’s time to review the relationship as. Something isn’t as right as it should be. Harm would could be longterm damage, broken bones, wounds (unless knife play is agreed) and not forgetting mental harm, that’s just as, if not more, important than physical harm.nnAfter Care, do you get it? Do you get a reassuring hug and comforting words after a scene?, Assurance that you have pleased your Master when you have? After care isn't, as far as i am concerned, very much to do with the physical side, yes you may need some soothing cream rubbed on your butt after say a session with the cane, but it is more again to do with the mental side.nnIn scene you may well have been degraded, humiliated, treated as a 'nothing', but afterwards you need and should receive appropriate care. First off you should be gently lifted back out of sub space if your mind has slipped into it and secondly you need to be put back together mentally. You need to be returned from the object, slut or whatever you have just been, back to being either a person or a treasured possession, depending up on the relationship. You need to feel safe and cared for. It is not just the Dom/me that should be left happy and contented after a scene. If you are left feeling empty after a scene then something is wrong,. Lack of correct after care is damaging and will eventually start to cause you problems.nnThe above are just a few idea's for you to consider, however if something doesn't feel right then chances are it isn’t and should be at least considered and discussed with someone other than your Master.Just because your nature is submissive that by no means gives anyone the right to abuse you.nnDon't ever be fooled into thinking that you shouldn't complain about anything, nor that you have no rights. Admittedly within a safe, sane and consensual M/s relationship you may not have any rights, but the moment the relationship ceases to be safe, sane or consensual you have just as many rights as anyone else does and you should use them.nnSaying "No" to your Master may not seem possible and i know that saying "No" to my Master would cost me, however that doesn't mean though that i wouldn't say no or possibly worse if he instructed me to do something that would endanger me mentally or physically (which for the record i know for certain he wouldn't).Becoming aware that you are in an abusive relationship isn't easy. By the time i realised it, i had no strength left mentally or physically to get out and i had no choice, so i thought, but to endure it for longer. In all that relationship destroyed me and only now, several years later, am i starting to be rebuilt.nnListen to friends, if they have reasons for concern then pay attention, especially to those friends that are within the M/s lifestyle.Once (if) you do realise that you are being abused just how do you get out?Hopefully you will not have been drawn in too far or damaged enough to believe you have no choice and. You must ask for and hopefully be honoured your release.nnBut i know it isn't always that simple....Should you ask for release and it is refused pending time to think followed by discussion. Make it clear that you have indeed thought long and hard about it and have nothing you wish to discuss.nnThe refusal can often mean "Give me time to think of a way to talk you round to staying". If your release is still refused release yourself ! Get out and stay out. Cease all contact and seek further help if you are pestered by him. Sounds easy but it isn't so easy especially if you have been sucked in or have had your selfesteem destroyed.nnI cannot offer a quick fix it plan, all i can do is say that there is no shame in asking for help and that no matter what, it isn’t your fault! Never be made to believe that.nGetting out alone is not advisable, especially if you don't feel you have the strength. It is important that you seek help from friends, family, professionals, anyone that will listen and help."
Wants And Needs
" nMy feeling is that a submissive, before she/he ever gets near a relationship needs to set up a very clear cut set of expectations and standards. The sub needs to know, going in exactly what her/his wants and needs from the relationship are and that includes the issues of monogoamy, polyamorous and pansexuality.nThe submissive also needs to establish a standard as to what she/he is looking for in a Dominant. And this means a realistic set of standards opposed to the "Knight in shinning armor" image. And then they need to have the gumption to stick to those standard while slogging through the chaff even though the "need to experience" is burning them up.nnA Dominant assumes responsibility for the submissive. Assumes, meaning he or she knows what their obligation is and has the maturity and responsibility to live up to those obligations. Part of that obligation is to know, really know, what the submissive's expectations and needs are as well as knowing what issues are problems or may be abhorent to the sub.nnPerhaps the best test a Dominant can make when considering introducing a change into a relationship is to ask " Is this in the best interest of my submissive and is her/his welfare taken care of ? "nnnGranted that single question may seem at odds with the image of a Dominant. We all define our own image, ideas and relationships. It does seem to me, though, that if a Dominant is going to avail themselves of the perks and privilages of the position that he/she also needs to shoulder the duty and responsibility.nnMost assuredly our limits change as we grow and develop. A psychiatrist will tell us that we become a new person psychologically every seven years. Anyone who has explored the effects of pain on the human animal knows that tolerance to pain grows with each exposure. Limits are an item that the submissive should consider when looking at their expectations for the relationship. Hopefully, the submissive will be wise enough to know that those limits will change, grow, expand into new areas, or become unviable with exposure to interaction in a relationship.nnnThe reference to setting a standard and sticking to it, pertained to looking at what character traits the submissive wants in a Dominant partner. Does the sub want a person of honour, someone with humour, a stern disciplinarian, any number of things that makes a person what they are. These are the traits that make up the image of the "ideal" we all carry around in our head.nnnIt takes a fair amount of fortitude to stick to the standard of what we want when we have been sifting through innumerable people looking for the one that can quench the thirst to experience. And, it becomes easier as time passes to step away from that standard and accept something less. It has been my experience that when we accept something less we plant the seed for future unhappiness.nnnEach of us, albeit unconsciously, constantly compares our partner to that "ideal" image we carry around. Hopefully, the partner we choose will measure up the standard we carry. When we find that our partner is less than what we consider "ideal" the seed of unhappiness may begin to grow.nnI would hope that each of is wise enough to know that there is no such thing as perfection nor a perfect match, ever. The issue becomes one of how well we managed to match our reality against our dream. How well we can accept what we have against what we wanted. And how well we can reconcile the differences.nnA goodly portion of just how much reconciling we have to do is directly linked to how well we did the job of matching a potential partner against our standards.nnI wonder if it is not better that we spend more time on the front end putting up with frustration and disappointment in our search, than to weaken our standard and accept something less and have less happiness in our future?nnThere is an old adage that all good things come to those who wait. Perhaps a truer adage might be, all goods things come to those who wait with a realistic standard and expectation."
Online Dangers in the D/s Social Network Rooms
\"A recent thread in another community made this article relevent again. As always, read, consider, seek alternative opinions and make up your own mind
To begin, I see four significant dangers to online D/s. Yes, these dangers exist in RL D/s as well, but they are so prevalent online that they bear mentioning here. But before I review these dangers, I think it’s important to understand WHY the danger exists.
All three result from one interesting psychological aspect of being online. We all tend to believe what we see and read. About the lifestyle, about individuals that we meet. And frankly, that’s dangerous in and of itself.
People are drawn to the internet, and chat rooms, for a wide variety of reasons. Some are lonely, some bored, some need an outlet for their creativity, some enjoy the fantasy of being whoever and whatever they conjure up, and some even have motives and intentions that are predatory. Whatever their reason for being here, always remember one thing. You don’t know a thing about the person with whom you’re speaking. I mean you don’t KNOW. What you think you know is only what they care to tell you. Truth or fiction, you have no way of verifying it without doing some real research. And for that, you will require their openness and honesty in sharing some vital information.
And most do not ask for that information. We accept what we are told because it is polite. Because we build some false sense of trust. Fact of the matter is, it is precisely that trust that makes us vulnerable. And so, I implore you to be cynical. To ask questions. To ask for ways to verify what you are told. The web can be a fountain of information, and you need to use it for your own protection. With names, addresses, phone numbers, etc. you can verify where someone lives, their employment and marital status. Their criminal record. All things that will either confirm or dispel what is given you as the “truth”.
Understanding the how and why of online deceit, and danger, may better enable you to identify with the four dangers I most frequently see:
The Predator: I suppose this is what most of you can identify with. Some crazed maniac out there hell bent on mayhem. And truth be known, people like this do exist. We read about them every day. But so many of us have some false sense of security that these people couldn’t fool us. Fact of the matter is, they can. They’re slick, intelligent and highly adaptable. Keep in mind that this lifestyle, and BDSM activities, are a great place for predators to hunt. They can identify with many of the “pleasures” of our lifestyle, but for entirely different reasons. Imagine, a willing submissive anxious to be bound and gagged. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. And even after the assault, try to imagine having to explain to some jury that although you were a willing participant in a BDSM scene, it went too far and the beating you endured was not consensual. Thankfully, while the Predator may pose the greatest physical danger, he/she is also the least common danger in terms of sheer numbers.
The Fantasizer: Perhaps the most common danger on the net are those that live out some fantasy life here. And although they generally pose no physical threat, the psychological wounds can cut to the soul, and the scars may remain for a long time. The Fantasizer creates a life, or a persona, that you may find yourself attracted to. They go from room to room, changing names and persona’s along the way. Some may have several names and personalities at one time. The emotional damage caused by becoming attracted to a Fantasizer can be devastating. It’s too easy to become emotionally attached on the net. And the Fantasizer is expert at fulfilling their needs at your expense.
The Teacher or Mentor: Yes, Teachers and Mentors are a vital part of any life. Especially so in the D/s lifestyle. But there are those that seek to take on the role in order to have some “legitimized” reason to take advantage of you, emotionally or physically. Under the guise of teaching, they use your desire to learn against you. Much like the Fantasizer, they are slick and polished.
The Ignorant: Worst thing about the Ignorant is that they often do not realize that they are, or the damage that they cause. It would be one thing if the advice they dispensed was to stay solely on the net. But it seems as though, particularly amongst Dominants, there is some sense of inferiority attached to not having RL experience. Fact of the matter is, there’s not. But in claiming to be experienced in areas that we are not, and offering advice in areas in which we are ignorant, there will inevitably be those that will end up in emotional and physical danger for accepting it at face value. Many on the net are here as a prelude to RL. To get their feet wet. And being fed bad information can put them in danger as they attempt to put that bad information in practice.
So, now that you know the dangers, how might you protect yourself? I would suggest the following:
Never take anything at face value. Separate out what you KNOW from what you have been TOLD. Then, use any resource available to you to confirm what you have been told.
Talk to a variety of sources. Many people in a chat room will know who is truly knowledgeable about a particular subject. See who’s name keeps coming up, and speak with them.
Visit a number of rooms. Don’t limit yourself to the knowledge base in one chat room. You can better rely upon the information you get if it is from a variety of independent sources.
Read. Read a lot. There are many good websites with respected and authoritative authors. Most of the chat room communities have links to those sites, and a listing is also provided here under “Links to Educational Resources”.
Ask questions, observe and use the reasoning and thinking brain that God bestowed upon you. Be cynical.
If you intend to meet someone RL, do so safely\"
Introduction to Waxing
"Waxing, also commonly referred to as "Fire and Ice" is the use of molten candle wax and ice in a scene or during play. But for the purpose of this page we will be discussing waxing only. Hot wax can be applied to breasts, butts, tummies, arms, genitalia, just about anywhere on the human body. However to the untrained it can be dangerous and should not be tried unless you have practiced and perfected the art! Reading this will in no way make you an expert all of a sudden.
The key to a good waxing scene is setting up the scene. I have personally found that a blindfold works well in keeping the submissive guessing and anticipating. It has been said that to a blindfolded lover, the sensation of ice can feel as hot as melted wax. Waxing can be a very erotic form of play and those who have participated in or watched a waxing scene can attest to this.
First things first:
1. The Candle:
There are two basic types of candles, beeswax and paraffin. Most people choose to use paraffin. Beeswax burns at a much higher temperature than paraffin and since the idea here is to enjoy there is no reason to burn the submissive unnecessarily. Candles contain basic ingredients other than just wax such as, hardeners, coloring, and scent. These things tend to also raise the melting temperature of the candle. So what kind is best? It is recommended you go to your local hardware store, supermarket or discount store and look for emergency or utility candles. Also Shabbat candles are a good candle to use. They are Jewish candles and contain no additives and are about an inch in diameter and 4 3/4 inches in length. Remember also the size of the candle can dictate the melting temperature. Candles come in tapers, pillars, votive and containers. Candles in containers are cooler and tapers tend to be hotter.
2. Testing the Candle:
Yes you read correctly, Test The Candle, and I'm not talking about giving it a written test to prove it's worthiness as a candle. You need to test the candle temperature on yourself each and every time before applying any hot wax on another person. I knew a sub once who attempted to apply hot wax to herself without any prior learning. She learned the hard way there is a wrong and right way to doing it. A lesson I don't think she will soon forget either. You test the temperature of the candle by dripping the wax on your inner arm, much like you would check the temperature on baby formula. (For those who have never tried this find an experienced mom somewhere).
You should drip the wax from the shame height as you would your partner (12" to 18" is a good starting height). This gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect when you drip or pour the wax on someone else. It's also a good idea if you are using different types of candles to practice ahead of time with each one. Remember different candles burn at different temperatures. Don't judge all candles temperature the same. Also be aware of the splatter of the candle when testing making note the higher you hold it the wider the area it tends to splatter. This is important so you don't splatter it in the face or hair.
3. Preparing the Surface and Area:
Unless you happened upon someone who is made of teflon you might want to consider preparing the area of the person you plan to drip wax on ahead of time. Some people prefer to prepare the area(s) to be waxed with a moisturizing lotion, baby oil or mineral oil to make removal easier, especially on parts of the body that has hair. Course this could be a good excuse to do a shaving scene before your waxing scene too to remove that body hair. Again this should be tested on yourself first. Also be careful not to use any lotion or oil that will heat up when the wax is applied.
Next you want to prepare the area (not the sub) that you will be doing the scene. Clear the area of any potential hazards. Keep in mind there is an open flame here and you want to make sure the area is clear of any combustibles (curtains, paper, clothing etc.) and flammables (fuel) prior to having open flamed candles. If you aren't careful you'll have more than a waxing scene going on and it will be tough to explain to the fire department also. Use a sturdy table and put drop cloths underneath to catch any wax drippings that may fall. You also need a small sturdy table or surface in which you place your candles so they won't be knocked over or fall accidentally.
4. The Waxing:
Now remember everything you read before this;
Start dripping the wax from a height several feet above the body and gradually bring it closer, testing on your arm periodically as you reduce the height. It is best when doing this for the first time especially you start with less sensitive areas like the back or chest, and work your way up slowly. Keep in mind nipples and labia are more sensitive. This also gives the person receiving the wax a chance to get used to the feel of it.
If the person being waxed complains of a burn, Do Not Hesitate. Apply a cold damp cloth to area to soak up wax and cool residue. Carefully remove wax residue, and continue to cool off the skin with damp cloths for a minute or two to limit the burn Do not use ice on a burn. If the burn blisters at all, seek immediate medical attention !.
5. Wax Removal and Clean Up:
Unless you plan to donate your newly waxed victim to a wax museum somewhere you'll need to know the best ways to remove wax from them. You can remove wax several ways, you can scraped it with a knife or an ice scraper. It can be peeled off or chipped away once it has completely hardened. However you can hold ice to it briefly or a cold compress if the wax doesn't come off right away. Try again, it should come right off. A word of caution, the skin that is under wax can be more sensitive than usual once the wax is removed. This should only lasts a short while provided there were no burns. Afterwards the waxee should take a shower to remove remaining wax and oils the wax will sometimes leave behind.
Cleanup of the area that may have gotten some escaping wax on it can be cleaned up very much the same ways you cleaned up your waxee. It can be scraped, chipped or peeled off.
Remember once again the keys to a successful scene with hot wax:
1. Always be prepared ahead of time - this means knowing what you are doing!
2. Be aware of any potential hazards/flammables in the area you will be using.
3. Test the temperature of the candles ahead of time on yourself.
4. Pay attention to your victims reactions and adjust accordingly.
These are but a few tips and techniques to a waxing scene. I can't stress it enough. KNOW what you are doing ahead of time. Practice, practice and practice. This is not something the amateur should be doing!"
Limits And Negotiations
"Scene Negotiations
One of the most important things you can do to maximize a BDSM scene is to master the fine art of scene negotiation. And perhaps the surest way to make a scene go awry is to bypass them entirely.
Negotiating a scene doesn't mean that you approach it as some kind of trade (I'll do this for you if you do that for me!), but rather that you freely and honestly discuss your wants, needs, and expectations with your partner. And it's worth emphasizing that whether you're a dominant top or a submissive bottom, in the context of scene negotiations, you must be equal partners.
There might be a lot of ground to cover, or there might be very little. It all depends on the nature and intensity of the scene. If you're engaging into an SM scene, you'll need to set ground rules as to technique, intensity and duration, and you'll need to establish safewords. You'll need to know of any physical limitations the subject might have, what their past experience is, how much pain is pleasurable for them and at what point it becomes distinctly unpleasurable. You might wish to set an approximate time limit, or a certain number of strokes.
Of course, all of this depends on the experience of the players, how well they know each other, and the intensity of the scene they expect. The more int
ense the scene is to be, the more carefully the limits should be identified. And the less experienced the players are, the more important it is to speak and question freely.
Limits
In BDSM, limits are any kind of boundary or restriction placed on one or both partners. They can be physical (e.g., a bad knee or back might make certain types of bondage unsafe), mental or emotional (e.g., something that triggers a phobia or recalls a past trauma), or experiential (anything that one partner just isn't ready for yet).
Finding your Limits
Novice players might not fully understand the concept of limits, and they might not yet know where their limits lie. For a truly novice player, one of the goals of your scene must be to carefully and systematically explore your potential and identify where those limits lie. Don't underestimate the power of a first experience! By pushing limits too hard, a novice might be completely turned off to the whole thing, and never experience the joy of a well crafted, mutually fulfilling scene.
For the experienced player who is running a scene with a novice, it's analagous to the care of a child. People very new to the scene are usually completely ignorant -- and I don't mean unintelligent, just uneducated. They don't know what questions to ask you, and they don't know what information to tell you. As the experienced partner, accept responsibility for your partner, and take a little extra time to educate and inform him or her. Novices are almost always nervous, sometimes frightened, and a little TLC goes a long way. Remember how you felt during your first scenes. No matter how long we've been in the Scene, we all had a first time.
Expanding Limits
For most of us, limits are not set in stone. They tend to change over time, and can vary due to the circumstances of a particular scene as well. You might be willing to go a little farther with a particular individual because you know and trust them well. This is entirely natural, and you should expect it. A shifting pain threshhold is perhaps the most obvious example of a moving limit.
Limits can be moved by conscious choice, as well. Some of us, particularly those who have been in the scene for a while, become dissatisfied with our limits, and wish to expand them. Let's use a concrete example. Say you've limited your scenes to a certain level of pain, and you decide that you want to try a little more. Maybe you just want to see what it's like to go farther, see if you can take it, see how you react to it. But you are not, voluntarily, able to accept it. When the pain reaches your limits, you safe out not because you want to, but because you have to! Afterward you always wish you had gone a little farther. Bottom line, you want your limits expanded.
Okay, now say you have a regular partner, whom you trust absolutely never to harm you or to violate your limits. Someone who is very experienced and knowledgeable. You decide that you wish to give that person permission to take you beyond your limits. You give him or her express permission to go beyond them. Understand that this is the only situation in which it is morally and ethically acceptable to go beyond limits!
What often happens is that once you've made that step across the limit, the other side is no longer unknown territory. Once it becomes known, it is usually a lot less frightening. And as we learn our limits, we often find that they are based more on fear than on actual physical abilities. As we experience what we fear, the fear diminishes.
Always keep in mind that emotional and mental limits are every bit as real and every bit as valid as any other! Violating limits that are fear-based is just as harmful to the well-being of the bottom as any other, and can be the most harmful of all! In some cases, it can leave emotional scars that may take years to heal, if indeed they ever do.
And if your moral compass points South, perhaps this note of warning will sway you. Scene players look out for one another, and if you become known as unsafe to play with, you'll find yourself ostracized faster than you can say 'apadrawa'."
Spanking
"Spanking is one of the simplest, and yet most powerful forms of erotic power exchange play that we can participate in. One of the reasons for this is the physical contact that occurs between a Master and sub as a result of the actual spanking contact, and often the position in which the spanking occurs.
Spanking can be tailored to suit many individual needs and tastes in BDSM: from very mild to quite heavy. Spanking can be thought of as a stand alone technique, which works on its own, or as a precursor to other parts of play too, as well as something used along with and during longer scenes. Many see spanking as an erotic play that should be accompanied by such things as dressing up, and role-play: the classics of course being those like schoolgirl/teacher, daddy/daughter etc. Many participants do not feel that spanking is as fulfilling if these role-play actions are not used as part of the technique.
As with all kinds of erotic play the setting and the anticipation beforehand can be a very important part of the technique, and even such simple things as telling the sub she will be spanked later, can considerably raise the levels of anticipation in her. Doing this several times, or over a longer period, maybe all day, in the run up to a scene, can make the anticipation in another extremely high.
There are essentially two ways to approach a spanking session. Firstly as a purely erotic enjoyment for both parties, or even as an erotic enjoyment with a more subtle mental approach added. Giving a lecture, standing the sub in the corner and using a firmer spanking technique, with less warm up than normal, can often create a higher emotional response than expected, even leading to tears, which in themselves can be erotic, but might also be a much needed release for many.
A spanking session is not something that should be over quickly; it's about taking time, enjoying the sensual and erotic nature of the moment, and can often be used to push a limit or two as well. Always start by warming up (unless you are punishing or going for the more mental approach, although even then a warm up of some kind might be advisable.) Warm up should be achieved by light rhythmical spanking, until a colour appears on the spanked area. Remember don't rush, take your time; use other forms of touching too; rubbing the buttocks, simply placing your hand on the subs bottom can be an interesting touch. This way they don't know at that moment whether you are going to spank or not; anticipation.
Spanking should be erotic for both parties so remember to intersperse the spanking with the stroking, and touching, and while spanking make anticipation grow by using very rhythmic spanks, so that the sub will anticipate the next, and the next.
Having begun the warm up, continue; this time more firmly, building over time to hard spanking, always with the stop in between to allow the effects to build, and warm, and create other responses. Many Dominants (me included on some occasions) find it difficult to use their voice as part of the eroticism. On the other hand, many subs wish they would! Speak to her, tell her what you are doing, what you are thinking, maybe use some words or phrases that you know turn her on, maybe a name or something that she fins sexual, or stimulating. Getting the use of the voice right can make the experience even more stimulating for both of you. It may take a little practice, but soon enough you will find what works, vocally, alongside the spanking itself.
Don't ever hit too hard from the start, remember the idea is to build to a crescendo. Hitting too hard from the beginning creates a numbness in the buttocks which detracts from the nature of the art; the sub will rapidly lose all feeling and the rest of the spanking will be almost pointless as an erotic exercise. Spanking of course, as we said earlier, can lead to other things; for example crops, floggers and canes, serving as a good warm up for these more painful implements.
There are places to spank, and places not to. Even on an area as relatively small as the bottom there are areas that should be avoided, for safety reasons: never spank at the tailbone, or coccyx, or the areas further up the spine, and to each side: bad bruising can be caused by impacts on these areas, as well as, in some cases, severe and permanent damage. There are certain areas that have more or less effects: the lower part, nearer the thighs is more sensitive, and should be hit with caution, remembering that it takes less on these areas to induce a pain response, than on the more muscular and well protected areas in the centre. The inner or outer thigh is another place that can be considered, but again are sensitive.
As well as variation in the places to spank, use variation in the way you actually use your hand. The hand is very controllable, and can be made soft and flat, like a kind of tawse, or hard and stiff like a wooden paddle. Using the flat of the palm creates an effect that is an actual slap, and this can be varied by making the wrist either relaxed or not. To create a more stingy effect, try holding the hand straight and making the area of contact the tips of the fingers only. Again, holding the fingers close together or further apart creates different air resistance to the movement of the hand, and therefore makes a different kind of spank. Try the possibilities, and find out what works for you both.
Finally two little additional things to consider: each adding an interesting dimension to the possibilities of spanking. Use the non spanking hand to slightly open the anal area, and spank this with two or three fingers. Depending upon the position of the submissive, you might even be able to turn her over, and spank, as a surprise, the clitoral area, but always remember, these areas can often be far more sensitive than the buttocks themselves, and changing the point of contact like this should also necessitate a lessening of the force used at that moment.
As with all things D/s, these are practices that should be tried, and tested, to find out what works for you both. Sensual spanking will create a redness on the buttocks that induces a "glow" into the sub: and if the spanking is prolonged, may well cause some bruising to appear over the subsequent hours. This will soon disappear, but the sensitivity can remain for a day or so, which makes the sub mindful of what has happened when they sit, or move during this time. For severe bruising, witch hazel or a similar treatment may be used to help the removal of such bruising, although this is not something that all couples would necessarily want to get rid of quickly; it is after all a part of their D/s."
Housework -some tips from a slave
"If you are truly interested in submission and service you need to know how to clean a house and keep it that way. You probably don’t like housework. You may even hate it. Well, guess what? So does your Domme, and if you really want to please Her and show your devotion there are few better ways to do it than keeping Her place clean so She doesn’t have to. Furthermore, the less time She has to spend on housework, the more potential playtime there is. And if you have a happy Domme, who isn’t tired from housework, and has time and energy to play, you are going to be in subbie heaven.
Now it doesn’t sound like housework is very difficult to do. But if you are going to do it right it requires time, effort, and technique. Time isn’t usually a problem; at least not once you’ve got the place mostly clean. Effort is up to you, but I hope the first paragraph will sufficiently motivate you. Technique is what this article is about. Most people, women as well as men, don’t do any more than they have to to keep the place neat. If you are going to serve a lifestyle Domme, you are going to have to do a lot better. You are also going to have to learn the basics of cooking, but that’s another article.
So, you’re motivated and ready to learn, right? Ok, the first things you are going to need are cleaning supplies. There aren’t really that many that you need. Tub and tile cleaner, glass cleaner, general purpose cleaner (like 409), toilet cleaner, cleanser or softscrub, ammonia, oven cleaner, and furniture polish. You will also need a toilet bowl brush, mop, duster, vacuum cleaner, broom, dustpan, some cleaning rags, nylon scrubbers, rubber gloves, a bucket and a toothbrush. Wear some ratty clothes for cleaning, even if you dress fem. A French Maid’s costume may be a turn on in some circumstances, but you’ll only ruin it if you wear if for serious cleaning. Once you have the house in a condition where it only takes a few minutes of maintenance a day you can dress up. But a first time cleaning is almost as messy as painting, if not more so.
You should start at one end of the house or the other. Whatever room you start in, start at the ceiling and work your way down. Work from one end of the room to the other and whatever you pick up put it where it goes immediately. Never move things around more than once. Take your duster and knock down any cobwebs from the walls and ceilings. Dust whatever is on the shelves or other horizontal surfaces. Throw away any trash. Put away anything that is out of place. Use furniture polish on any appropriate wooden surfaces. Use glass cleaner on any windows, computer monitors, or television screens. Use your general purpose cleaner for anything that doesn’t wipe up by itself on non-glass surfaces.
Make sure you dust all electronic equipment; they are magnets for dust. After you clean the top of something, clean the underside. Use the toothbrush for any hard to reach areas that you can’t get to with your rag. Sweep or vacuum the floor carefully; a quick once-over will not do the trick. If you are vacuuming, move the vacuum cleaner slowly over the carpet and cover each area three times. If you are sweeping, sweep each area three times and make sure to pull any dust bunnies off the end of the broom so you don’t merely move the dirt around.
Take a cleaning rag and some cleaner and make sure the floorboards are clean. If you have a tile or wood floor you are going to have to mop it. When you mop, use a combination of ammonia and hot water. Start at the far end of the room and work your way out backwards. Mop a 3-foot by 3-foot section and wring out the mop before doing the next one. Use a scrubby pad under your shoe for anything that doesn’t come right out with the ammonia and water. When you finish mopping, dump out the dirty water and refill the bucket with pure hot water. Repeat the mopping process to clean up the ammonia and any residual dirt. When the floor dries, it’s time to apply wax. Some people prefer liquid wax, but if you are going to use it, you need to use a separate mop from your cleaning mop; otherwise the wax will interfere with your next cleaning. You can also use spray furniture wax and buff it out by hand. It makes a very nice shine. If you are really lucky and have a buffer you can use soft wax and buff it out. Buffers also can be used to loosen dirt and grime before mopping if you use the right pad. Supposedly, you can buff out soft wax by hand, but I’ve tried it many times and it just doesn’t come out very well, no matter how much elbow grease you use. When you finish one room, give yourself a quick break and some sort of reward coffee, cigarette, chocolate, etc.
This procedure should cover most of your house. But there are two rooms that require special attention: the kitchen and the bathroom. Most of the house has to be clean; these rooms need to be sanitary. Clean isn’t good enough. If your bathroom has ventilation problems like mine, you are going to need to start by mopping the ceiling with hot water and ammonia. Next, clean the tub and tile with the cleaner of your choice. For many of these cleaners you are going to need the rubber gloves. If the cleaner doesn’t get rid of all the soap scum, it’s time to break out with the cleanser and a scrubby pad. Apply a little water to the pad, sprinkle cleanser around the tub and scrub. Don’t use the ammonia water to rinse it off with. Most cleansers contain some form of chlorine bleach and the combination of bleach and ammonia produces very toxic gas. Spray the toilet bowl cleaner liberally under the rim and use the toilet brush to spread the cleaner evenly around. Use the tub and tile cleaner and clean the top of the toilet, the toilet seat, and the outside of the toilet while the bowl cleaner has a chance to work. When you are done with the outside, vigorously clean the inside of the bowl. Rinse your rubber gloves off with hot water and remove them. Clean the sink and the walls the same way you cleaned the tub and tile. Remember, start at the top and work your way down. Mop the floor as described earlier and replace any carpeting and toilet lid covers. Oh, and make sure the soap dish is clean.
The kitchen is a little easier.You won’t need rubber gloves unless you have to clean the oven. Get another bucket of ammonia and hot water. Dust the ceiling, wash the walls, open the refrigerator, get rid of anything that is moving under its own power. Remove items from shelves. Wash shelves, scrubbing where necessary, rinse shelves, replace shelves, and replace items. Clean the outside of the refrigerator. Scrub the counters. Clean the stove (this involves cleaning the drip pans under the burners), don’t ignore the sides of the stove. If the inside of the oven is dirty, clean it. If you are lucky it will be a self-cleaning model. If not, you are going to have to use oven cleaner. You will need rubber gloves for this because oven cleaner will take the skin right off you. Follow the directions on the can exactly. Clean the microwave using general purpose cleaner. Dump and refill the bucket of hot water and ammonia. Sweep the floor thoroughly and mop, rinse, and wax it. Change into some decent looking clothing and wait for your Domme to arrive or to inspect it. Remember to be thorough. The cleaner most things are, the more a dirty spot is going to show by contrast. If you’ve done your work well, you will have pleased Her. If you’ve done it poorly, you will have to do it over, possible using nothing but the toothbrush. I’ve experienced the toothbrush only method while in the Army. It doesn’t really clean any better, but it will teach you to pay attention to your work."
Prostate Massage (Milking)
Prostate massage and prostate milking are terms used to describe the massage or stimulation of the prostate gland in males, either for medical or sexual purposes. The two terms are interchangeable, although "massage" is more frequently used when the purpose is relief of symptoms of chronic prostatitis, and "milking" when the purpose is the reduction of sexual activity or drive through removal of prostatic fluid.
The prostate is a part of male sexual response, and a key contributor to male orgasm. Located adjacent to the rectum, it can be stimulated manually. Seminal fluids collected in the prostate are released during orgasm.
Prostate massage thus refers to any action which stimulates the gland. Prostate milking more usually refers to the specific practice of relieving the buildup of seminal fluids within the prostate, and discharging them by means of massage without orgasm or ejaculation. Done internally either by finger(s), prostate massager or other medical instrument, prostate massage may result in orgasm without any genital stimulation. It can also be indirectly massaged externally through the perineum, although this may not be effective in the removal of fluid.
How does prostate massage helps?
There are some health risks associated with prostate massage if performed incorrectly.
Gentle massage may "help to drain painfully sequestered secretions in a chronically [but not acutely] inflamed prostate gland or seminal vesicles", and the massage around the prostate may benefit the muscles there.
Vigorous massage, or massage to an acute prostatitis case, in some cases may be dangerous, possibly leading to septicaemia (blood poisoning), transfer of prostate cancer to other parts of the body, or hemorrhoidal flare-up in some individuals.
Whilst a prostate massage can benefit some men, it is important to be aware that there are risks involved with massaging a prostate that is suffering from an ailment or using too much force.
First stage
The purpose of the first stage is to encourage semen production.
Rub the palms of your hands together vigorously. This creates heat in your hands by bringing the energy of your body into your hands and palms.
With your right hand, cup your testicles so that the palm of your hand completely covers them. (The exercise is best done without clothing.) Do not squeeze, but apply a slight pressure, and be aware of the heat from your hand.
Place the palm of your left hand on the area of the pubis, one inch below the navel.
With a slight pressure so that a gentle warmth begins to build in the area of the pubis, move your left hand in clockwise or counterclockwise circles eighty-one times.
Rub your hands together vigorously again.
Reverse the position of your hands so that your left hand cups the testicles and your right hand is on the pubis. Repeat the circular rubbing in the opposite direction another eighty-one times. Concentrate on what you are doing, and feel the warmth grow. For all Taoist exercises, it is very important — indeed, it is necessary — that you concentrate on the purpose of the physical motions, for doing so will enhance the results. It will unify the body and mind and bring full power to the purpose. Never try to use the mind to force the natural processes by imagining fires growing in the public area, or any other area. This is dangerous.
Second Stage
Tighten the muscles around the anus and draw them up and in. When done properly, it will feel as if air is being drawn up to your rectum, or as if the entire anal area is being drawn in and upward. Tighten as hard as you can and hold as long as you are able to do so comfortably.
Stop and relax a moment.
Repeat the anal contractions. Do this as many times as you can without feeling discomfort.
As you do the second stage of the exercise, concentrate on feeling a tingling sensation (similar to an electric shock) ascend along the pathway of the Seven Glands. The sensation lasts for fractions of a second and results naturally. Do not try to force this with mental images.
Some teachings suggest that thoughts should be used to help or guide energy flow. Those who make these suggestions misunderstand the nature of energy.
Anal play...and how to...
Why incorporate anal sex into D/S scenes??
it feels good; the area is sensitive and erotic, interconnected to the sexual organs;
produces a feeling of vulnerability and of penetration and power exchange
creates a special sense of intimacy; increases options for both top and bottom
it is naughty and forbidden
allows access to the prostate in males
Things to do before starting anal play!
understand anal area: start slow, pain is not a part of anal play
communication: discuss inhibitions, limits, health issues, prior experience
disease protection and cleanliness, lubrication and gradual dilatation
safe, soft and rounded toys, different toys lead to different experiences
plan scenes and games that incorporate anal exploration
Understanding the anal area
the anus is 1 ½ “ long and opens into a larger area called the rectum. the rectum ends and turns abruptly about 8” from the outside
the anus is the most sensitive part. the rectum has much less sensation. the anus is sensitive to motion and dilatation. the rectum is sensitive to pressure and expansion
there is an external sphincter and a tighter internal sphincter
the muscles of the anus connect to muscles around the rest of the pelvis. anus is connected to the other pelvic nerves - skin and inside are exeptionally well innervated
the anal/rectal lining is easily abraded. also rapidly absorbs water, etc.
the prostate is located just inside the internal sphincter towards the belly
prostate hardens, pulsates and contracts right before ejaculation
the rectum shares a common wall with the vagina
pain or bleeding are red flags in this area. stop reassess, and go slower next time. seek medical attention if pain or bleeding persists
Communication and Setting the stage for a good experience
anal play is not usually an entire scene, but is incorporated into a scene. examples: nurse or doctor/patient exam, feminization, orgasm control
acknowledge natural issues of anal play: feces, gas, accidents, loss of control
discuss limits of size of toys, thrusting vs. penetration, pre-play enema or enema as part of the scene. discuss the fantasy and how it relates to the technical aspects of plat and what works into the scene
Safety issues - Disease prevention, lubrication, dilatation
generous use of lube;tissues are fragile and have little natural lubrication. Do not share lube, especially lube in jars - bacteria and viruses abound. Water based lubes (KY, astroglide, etc.) can be drying. The colon absorbs water rapidly. You need to continuously reapply these. Oil based lube (Vaseline, Crisco, etc) coat the walls better and do not dry. May keep HIV alive, dissolve latex condoms. Options: Use polyurethane condoms for toy protection and do not share anal toys. Sterilize toys if shared, do not rely on condoms for protection.
use gloves - latex is smoother than vinyl, change gloves frequently if using oil based lube - risk of disease transmission through cuts in fingers
avoid anal to vagina contact to prevent vaginal and bladder infection
dilatation - start with a finger. is it erotic and intimate and allows assessment of sensitivity of tissues. dilate slowly with several toys and give bottom time to adjust. avoid spasm, remove and insert several times if needed.
Toys and techniques
the finger is the best toy. aim towards the navel. enter slowly, explore, thrust, probe and massage. add more fingers slowly if desired and dilate. lots of verbal teasing is fun. prostate stimulation in men
dildoes: many different sizes and shapes. use smooth, rounded objects, soft if possible. do not force in, slide in and increase size gradually. try to use toys that have a flared end. do not lose toy inside and do not try to penetrate more than 7-8”. avoid toys with wires inside.
strap-on dildoes: excellent for male submissives. make sure angle is comfortable for both.
butt pulgs: many sizes, can be retained (water based lube can dry with long plugging). creates both dilatation experience and fullness
vibrators: dildoes, but plugs and eggs. vibrations pass to prostate, vagina, and pelvis. can be felt by partner, may help sphincter to relax.
other objects: avoid sharp, brittle, toxic material or objects which can be trapped inside.
enemas: use for aesthethics, pleasure or punishment. creates strong fullness feeling, urgency and surrender of control. plain soapsuds, wine. 2 quart is average, larger is possible with experience. suppositories before, increase pressure. aim for warm not hot. smaller enemas can be retained longer. watch for electrolyte depletion if using multiple enemas. do not use excessive bag height. use straight tips, retention tips or inflatable tip. risk of accident, especially in bondage. leave room for abdominal expansion. enemas scenes take time.
anal beads: interesting sensation when withdrawn slowly, especially with orgasm.
ice - very intense, yet soothing. do not use directly from freezer. use small, rounded pieces
anal intercourse: use a condom, go slow, use comfortable position - sling is great
rimming (oral/anal): can be done to top or bottom, same sensation with different meanings
electrical: pees and tens. start at low powers, gives a pulsing almost thrusting sensation. tie in firmly. try to match pulsing rate to bottom’s rhythm. muscles can fatigue.
Play examples
bondage and orgasm control: monitor the prostate contraction with finger and stop stimulating and stop stimulating at edge of orgasm and repeat multiple times. add punishments and tasks
hard spanking before anal intercourse or strap-on until begging for penetration
cross-dressing and finish with role reversal and a strap on dildo
bondage and anal intercourse with vaginal vibrator
insert a vibrating egg or but plug, then have vaginal intercourse. works with vibrator in male or female and transmits sensations to partner. enhanced by bondage
vibrators in both vagina and anus and immobilizing bondage and gag
leave vibrator inside rectum and go out to dinner, etc. buzz bottom repeatedly
bottom needs to retain enema for special time (increase difficulty with soap or suppositories) to reach orgasms. punishment if released early, then repeat enema.
detailed, lengthy pelvic medical exam with various devices inserted - enema too.
Getting started with anal sex
clean up. if u r worried about coming into contact with feces, go to the bathroom to clean your bowels first. u can also shower first, or do your experimenting in the shower, or wear a latex glove with lube on it during anal play.
exercise. try some anally focused exercises, clenching and unclenching your sphincter muscles. anal kegles can be done in set of 12; try doing a fast set and a slow set, exhale on the relaxation portion of the exercise.
add lube to your finger and your anus. the tissue of the rectum is sensitive, it doesn’t self lubricate as does the vagina, and it can suffer little micro tears and abrasions quite easily. so be gentle when you explore, and use lots and lots of lubricant.
get to know your but. start by feeling around outside of the hole. there are 2 sphincters of the anus, the outer one, which creates the pucker that you can see, and the inner sphincter that u can feel a short ways up if u insert your finger in your anus.
go inside. if you’re playing in the shower, ease a fingertip just inside your ass. in you’re lying on your back or side, insert a well lubed finger or anal toy, if u meet resistance, push out as if you had to go to the bathroom and push your finger in at the same time.
experiment. do some clenches and releases while touching yourself so that you can feel the changes in you asshole. try rubbing in tiny, concentric, circles around the rim of your asshole. notice whether there are any particularly sensitive spots. don’t feel you have to go very far inside, just explore and enjoy yourself.
Safe and Sane
1. Take everything out of your profile [or internet logon ID] that could allow someone to contact you in real life. This includes your real name, your real location, any school references, etc. Some people can be very resourceful with very little information.
2. Do not give out your full name, phone number, or real address to someone until you can get at least three positive references for that person. Try to seek them independently, ask around.
Also, past subs are often good people to talk to concerning a Dom. If you get a bad recommendation, consider it seriously and pursue even more references.
3. Look for another sub to help mentor you. A sub understands a lot of what you are going through and has no hidden motives (eg, s/he isn't going to try to seduce you.)
Many Doms are more than willing to befriend you because they know that is how to get to a sub - if he befriends you, you feel obligated...
4. If you do not already have it, contact someone to get the D/s information packet that has been put together for people new to the scene. It has a variety of resources and is an excellent way to get started (groups on line, reading material list, etc). We didn't put this together but either of us would be happy to send you a copy if you ask for it.
[Note: You are reading it now]
5. Do not call someone until you have at least three positive references for that person. With all the technology available, it is possible for someone to get your number if you call them. Don't assume that you calling them is a safe bet.
6. A Dom can NOT demand you give him information that you do not want to give out. Do not be mislead by a Dom who says you must give him information because he is a Dom or because you are a sub. A good sub is safe and smart, not blindly obedient.
7. Do not meet someone in real life until you have at least five positive references for that person. There is no need to rush into anything. If he is a good Dom, he will be more than willing to wait till you are sure of your safety. In fact, he should give you suggestions on how to insure your safety.
However, *you* need to be the one to make the arrangements, such as have a person who knows where you will be at all times, and a contact person to call at a preset time during the meeting.
8. Always have a first meeting in PUBLIC and preferably with another person accompanying you. They don't have to sit at the table with you, but should be near at hand should something go wrong and/or to walk you to your car.
9. Do not engage in any D/s or sexual activity during your first meeting. That first meeting should be to get to know one another, discuss ideas about D/s, set limits, etc. There is no need to rush into anything. A good Dom will take the time to get to know you and make sure there is good communication before any D/s takes place.
10. Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!!!!!
D/s can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your brain. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.
Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy.
And talk to other subs - learn from our mistakes, benefit from our experience; there is no need to reinvent the wheel.
SM101- Preliminaries
Sonet 57nBeing your slave, what should I do but tendnUpon the hours and times of your desire?nI have no precious time at all to spend,nNor services to do till u require.nNor dare I chide the world-without-end hournWhilst I, sovereign, watch the clock for you,nNor think the bitterness of absence sournWhen you have bid your servant once adieu.nNor dare I question with my jeloous thoughtnWhere you may be, or your affairs suppose,nBut like a sad slave, stay and think of naughtnSave where you are how happy you make those.nSo true a fool is love that in your will,nThought you do anything, he thinks no ill.n-William Shakespeare-nnPreliminaries nnIntroductionnSo many of you are out there, wodering. I know some of your questions, and something of the torment nnthese questions often cause.nFirst, know that you are not alone. You may believe you are the only person in the world interested in nnSM. Let me say to you, quitetly but emphatically, that no matter how bizzare, extreme, or "perverted" your nnfantasies and desires may seem to you, please know that thousands of other people have similar thoughts. nnIndeed, if one highly credible source can be believed (Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female, by Kinsey, nnPomeroy and Martin; published way back in 1953), at least 11% of the population feels atracted to SM.nnThe Purpose of This BooknI am writing this becasue (1) I believe many people want and need a realistic introduction to SM, (2) I nnbelieve I have enough knowledge and experience to provide such an introduction, and (3) I want to make a nnwhole lot of money. Let's look at those reasons one at a time.n1. I believe that by far the greatest reason people fear SM is that they don't understand it. In this book I nnwill clearly explain the basics of what SM is and what is it not.n2. I have been in the SM community for more than 20 years. I have spent time as both dominant and a nnsubmissive, have talked with many other practicioners at lenght, and have met people from all over the world nnwho enjoy SM.nI do not claim to be a "World Class Expert" on SM. (I would suggest that you wary of anyone who nndoes). Many people undersand its fine points, depths and nuances better than I do, but I believe most of them nnwould agree with me on most points in this book.n3. I believe the information in this book will be of far greater value to you than the money you paid for nnit. (you did buy it, didn't you?) Thus we have a fair exchange in which we both come out ahead. That's a great nnway to make money.n4. Another purpose on this book is to ease the terrible pain abd isolation SM people often feel. I want nnthis book to be a resource that enables those people to contact the mainstream community.nMy basic goal in writing this book is to providfe you with the level of knowledge about equal to that nncontained in an introductory college class. (Four units. Three hours lecture, two hours lab per week.) In other nnwords, to get you basically oriented and informed. After that, I'll toss you to the experts.nI only know a few "experts" in the traditional, academic sense. This form of sexuality has traditionally nnbeen discovered by individuals and handed down by word-of-mouth, lovers who taught lovers. As far as I know, nnthe first edition of "SM101" was the most comprehensive discussion of this information at the time of its nnpublication. One of my goals was and is to put SM basic down tangible form. I wanted to write a "pillow book" nnabout SM - something one lover could give another.nPlease seek the advice and opinions of knowledgeable others. Choosing whether or not to participate nnin SM - and, if so, to what extend - is a terribly important decision. You want to make as informed a choice as nnpossible, and your ability to do that is hampered if your information sources are limited. By all means, get as nnmany "second opinions" as you feel necessary.nAlso, I want my fellow community members to regard this book as an explicit invitation to contribute nntheir own thoughts, feelings, and expertise. Please don't conclude that this book tells all that u need to be told. nnWe could go have used a dozen or more books on this topic a dozen or more years ago. If you are working on a nnbook, article, video, or another ptoject that portrays SM realistically, please feel free to contact me regarding nnwhatever advice or assistance I cna offer.nFor too long, the only widley available material on SM concentraded on its extreme, pathological nnaspects such as sex murders (which I don't consider SM at all), or unrealistic fantasy material that perhaps made nninteresting reading, but was of a little practical value. We in the SM community need to remedy that situation.nI worry somewhat about writing this book, because I know some people, despite how carefully and nnreasonably I present its contents, will be outraged by its mere existence. They will argue I am advocating, nnrationalizing or assisting cruelty, violence against women (men), immoral behavior, sin and so forth. They will nnassert the informationI present could be used to nonconsensually torture somebody, even if I never intended nnthat. They will insist this knowledge is dangerous and should be suppressed.nMy response is as follows:n1. I am absolutely not advocating cruelty, violence against women (men), or anything similar. SM is a nndistinctly different, and I believe an informed person will readily grasp those differences. I hope that, after reading nnthis book, my reader will be such an informed person.n2. It's true someone could misuse this information. However, it takes no intelligence to be brutal, and nninformation on technique is everywhere. Your local library contains abundant information. Indeed, anyone who nnwanted to learn howto torture somebody could learn all they needed by reading the Bible.nI think much more harm is caused by misinformed or improperly educated people than by intentional nnabuse. One of my goals is to clarify what behaviour the SM community considers pathological.nI've occasionally heardof creeps trying to persiade their lovers to accept abuse because it was "part of nnSM". I hope exposure provided by this book greatly reduces such incidents. The Bible says, "He who doeth evil nnhateth the light". I want this book to be a floodlight, exposing evil and cruelty.nAs to suppression, that is simpossible. The recent emergence of films and books with an SM slant, the nnpopularity of handcuffs and chain-style neckalces as jewelry, and the groundswell of interest in the subject nn(almost 100 SM clubs now exist in US, with several new ones appearing yearly, and they are swamped with nninquiries) make suppression completely unrealistic. What is realistic is disseminating accurate information.
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